Day 161: The Great Pretenders

The other day, Matthew Kelly talked about the great pretenders.  The great pretenders consist of all the people who show the outside world how good everything in their life is with family, friends, activities and the like.  Our world promotes materialism, perfection, and happiness.  Thus, many of us do the same when we are showing the rest of the world our outside lives.  Rarely is this the whole story.

I have definitely fallen into the trap of being a Great Pretender.  During the three years of hell, when our family fell apart, I only posted good things.  Mainly, I posted things about my writing and trips I went on.  Sure, I did write some things about my daughter, with her permission, but much of the hell I left off the social media platforms.  Life was ugly.  I didn’t want to reveal all of it. I still don’t unless I can write it under a different name.  Someday, I might but not now.

I truly believe remaining silent about our daily struggles only hurt us.  Keeping things bottled up hurts ourselves and makes us feel alone in the world.  Unfortunately, even those willing to share, come off as drama.  Yes, some are, but others just need to vent.  I get that.  The other problem is gossip.  You tell your story on social media and the gossip is fair game.

With my own “drama” issue, autoimmune disease, I hesitate to let people know how I am doing through facebook.  I think it is important to connect with people about our pain and suffering.  However, many people get tired of the “complaining”.  Frankly, I get tired of my own complaining to my family who need to know how I am doing.  So, I get it.  The opposite of that is all the people who want to help and have a million different suggestions.  Or the ones that are so sympathetic, which I usually cringe at getting sympathy.  Something about that bullheadedness that I inherited from one of my relatives or all of them.

Is it bad to be a great pretender on social media?  I honestly can’t say one way or another.  I know watching all the happy announcements and pictures crushed me while my life was at its lowest in those three years.  Even with some of it better, I still have twinges of feeling despair that my life will never look that great.  But I keep in mind that social media is to keep people connected.  Ultimately, that is a good thing.  When I am feeling vulnerable, when life is hitting us again, I step back.  I am also more cognizant of how what I put up might be a little over the top in the great pretender category.