A Dream and the RNC

 

So, I did this thing yesterday that caused me to have a dream.  In the dream, I was attending a political convention.  The person speaking was asking questions of the people.  This person turned to me and asked about the environment.  I talked about the harvesting of trees.  Northwestern Montana needed to be able to go back to logging.  The eyes of a man in the crowd brightened up, and he cheered.  The commentator turned to another person which made me sad.  I didn't get to talk my favorite topic of my soldiers or my retirement fund.  After the convention, I was asked to run for a position in the Montana government.

The thing I did to cause the dream was that I watched night 1 of the Republican National Convention.  I have never done this before.  My husband and daughter talk politics ALL the time.  She worked for Matt Rosendale earlier this summer.  We were hoping to attend some rallies for him and such before COVID hit.  We went to South Dakota where patriotism abounds with everything presidential.  I will do a post on that next week.  All of these things set me up for dreamland.

Now, the last thing we need in this country is another person being a talking head for the political machine.  We don't need more negativity on either side of the aisle.  We are all tired of the rudeness and negativity.  I have been called a small town Montana woman with the ugly connotation that I am stupid and know nothing.  Because of my beliefs, I have been pointed at as being selfish and ignorant.  Yep, I am a small town Montana woman and proud!  I can be a bonehead at times, and I certainly don't know everything.  I can be selfish and with certain topics I am ignorant.  However, I am also giving, knowledgeable, humble, and smart every now and then.  With all of that said, I wanted to point out some interesting things I saw and heard as I watched night 1.

The overall feel of the night was positive and hopeful.  The convention started with a prayer and almost everyone praised our country and asked God to continue to bless the U.S.A.  A democrat from Georgia spoke in favor of President Trump.  That blew me away.  He talked about free thinking, and he likes the President's track record so far.  The owner of Mountain Mud Espresso from Billings talked about the quick turn around for her small business money from the federal government.  Go Montana!!!  Hershel Walker talked of his 37 year friendship with the President and his family.  Finally, a gentleman who came here from Cuba and became a citizen spoke.  His story was very moving and positive, but he worries.  He brought me to tears.

I didn't at all become uncomfortable about the tone of the night.  Sure, they talked about their interpretation of what they consider as Mr. Biden's bad track record in politics.  A few people talked about the basement which isn't praise, but I am not at all sure what they were talking about.  Of course, they talked about wanting to change and fix things.  Their way of going about it is different than the Democrats.  Yet, this was talked about in passing more than anything.  They actually concentrated on President Trump's track record and how he wants to continue his work.

All in all, I enjoyed the speeches and learning new things.  I loved the patriotism and open talk of God.  Now, I do have biases towards the Republican Party.  I would never deny them.  Is it the best party?  No, but it is the best party for me.  Today, I am going to watch night 1 of the Democratic National Convention.  I really hope to be pleasantly surprised.  Will I switch parties?  I highly doubt it.  What I want is to be away from the media's, and frankly obnoxious people's, interpretation and negativity.  And yes, I cringe as I write that last sentence.  I can be obnoxious as well.

Un-tethered

 

The last couple of weeks I have felt un-tethered.  My ability to concentrate on one task is less than normal.  I have no focus on finishing a project.  I am lost in the sky with nothing holding me in place.  As I think about the feeling, I realized an un-tethered bird is free to soar where the wind will take him.  Right after Mom died, I felt free.  Well this is what un-tethered means.  I loved the freedom.  What is different now?  Why don’t I like it anymore?

I honestly don’t know.  Okay, maybe I should say that I honestly don’t want to admit that I am mourning the loss of my mother, my family of origin.  The Sunday calls home kept me grounded.  The responsibility of checking in with Mom and traveling to Libby in the summer gave me purpose.  Yes, I have purpose in all sorts of other ways, but this purpose has been with me for 52 years.  The purpose is gone.  I feel I am floating willy-nilly all over the place.  What do I do with this?

At the moment while writing this, I am sitting in a hotel in Missoula.  I came over to get away for a couple of days to write and read for my fantasy writing class.  The trip is a multiple layer trip in that I left my pickup at the dealership to fix the air-conditioning unit.  I also met up with a couple of cousins to hand over things we saved for them from Mom’s stuff.  My feeling of being un-tethered has to do with family as well, I think.
     Libby has been the center of family on both sides: Nixon and Hedahl.  When Dad died, I worried about not seeing the Nixon family as much.  I worked at staying connected with Aunt Shirley and Uncle Albert.  They are gone now.  Mom’s passing left me with no home base with
which to keep in the loop and visit from.  Being un-tethered isn’t just about Mom and the house, it is also about the extended family.

I need to learn to navigate in the extended family without the older generation.  On the Nixon side, I am now that older generation.  How did that happen?  My dad was great at staying connected.  Of course, most of his family lived in Libby,
so at the worst, he ran into them in town. But I know he visited all the time.  My mom wasn’t good at staying connected in person.  She didn’t like to travel.  People had to come to her.

Now, I live five hours from the majority of my Nixon cousins.  The majority of my Hedahl cousins are two to five hours away.  I need to go visiting.  I have to organize various trips in the summer that are now cousin trips instead of parent trips.  This will help me to feel grounded again.

Last night, being with Heidi and Holly meant the world to me.  We talked for about three hours and could have talked longer, but the hour grew late.  Yes, I keep up with some of the cousins on Facebook.  This isn’t enough.  I need to see them.  Hang out with them.  They all mean the world to me.  So, as I was sitting here this morning, I
will continue my plan of traveling to Libby at least once a year.  I need to continue to make the trip a
responsibility.  A good responsibility.  I also need to travel to the Missoula / Thompson Falls area.  When that becomes a common occurrence, I believe I will be less un-tethered.

Nervous Energy

Nervous energy pulses through me, leaving me scattered and animated.  Jumping out of my skin, climbing the walls are sayings that bounce around in my flighty brain.  I move from one unfinished task to the next.  The condition began earlier this week to crescendo yesterday afternoon.  I hoped today I would return to a calming presence, but alas, I still feel jittery.

Like most people, I have never been in charge of an estate.  My mother didn't have much, so luckily the process isn't half as complicated as it could get.  However, I have still been nervous about taking care of everything, especially the sell of the house.  As the original closing date grew closer, my anxiety increased.  Not hearing anything caused more stress.

Well, the process went a bit nuts yesterday.  Emails flew back and forth.  I waited.  I wondered if I needed to drive up to Libby.  I kept my schedule open, but I didn't hear yes or no.  Finally, the agent said everything would be done via electronic signature accept the signing of the deed.  A notary needed to witness that and the title company would email it to me.

Around two o'clock, the email arrived.  I printed everything glancing over it a bit.  I headed out to the fort to see the JAG office.  Within about an hour, I signed and initialed not only the deed but the buy, sell contract.  I dropped the package off at the UPS Store.  On Monday, the buyer will do their part.  The house is almost out of my care.  I am over the moon with excitement.  We have been so blessed with a buyer and no problems.  I couldn't have asked for it to go smoother.

With that said, I was bouncing around the house all day yesterday.  I tore into the bedroom closets.  I finally found all of the quilting items I accumulated years ago.  For about two years, I played at quilting.  In that time, I made one quilt top that I had planned to have professionally finished.  I never accomplished the task.  I also was close to finishing a baby quilt for my nephew who died at birth.  Finally, I had a material cut and block done from all the practice I did to learn.  I stopped quilting because I became pregnant and lost my sewing room and sewing time.  Geez, now I have a lot to accomplish between my mom and myself.

I think the sewing is feeding into the nervous energy, so I put the energy to work this morning.  I have eight finished blocks from twenty years ago.  I am not sure what I wanted to do with them, so I laid them out on the bed.  I need twelve more to make a lap quilt.  I have started with this as my first "big" project.  I have even turned on the sewing machine and finished a block that was partway done.  Her (the sewing machine) and I need to bond before I work with my mom's projects.  I have decided to name her Elna, Ellie for short.  We are hitting it off so far.  Hopefully by the end of August, I will have the face of the quilt done.  Until then, here is a picture of the blocks laid out over a lap quilt my mom did for my cousin.  I am including a picture of my block I did this morning with Elna.  Isn't she just cute?