Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Pinpricks of Light

My morning started out like any other.  I traipsed into my writing room to do my work before the house woke up to distract me.  Once that was finished, I puttered around the house, cleaning here and there.  My equilibrium tanked.  I felt good, but dizziness assaulted me and my stomach felt like I was on a rollercoaster.  I rested between activities and during activities.  Madelle came into the kitchen at one point looking like I felt.  We canceled out movie outing with the neighbor kids.

Not an hour after we canceled, Jerry received a text.  A couple struggling with mental illness contacted us.  They needed to talk.  In two hours they wanted to stop by the house.  I would have been at the movies.  Coincidence?  I think not.  They say God doesn't make us sick.  I chuckled.  He might not have made Madelle and I feeling sick, but he used our staying home as an opportunity to put in play His plan. 

As the four of us talked, I sat thinking.  Jerry talked about his journey of PTSD, a very depressing subject.  Being that I am working on the theme of "Beacons of Light," I tried to compare my husband to a beacon of light in the area of mental illness.  Now, he is definitely a beacon of light to me, but as they compared stories of their struggle, I didn't perceive light shining through my husband.  I saw his sadness and struggle.  I was reminded of the dark days we mucked our way through as this dear couple has been doing.  I saw all the days ahead of the four of us because mental illness is a constant struggle.  We also talked about the work.  How we brought light back into our family through faith, volunteer time, and other steps to help with a better life.

After the couple left, Jerry busied himself with making homemade pasta.  He finds light in keeping busy when he is faced with his PTSD or finds himself slipping into that world.  I read a text sent to me.  A dear friend was called to his father's side.  The old gentleman is said not to last the rest of the week.  I asked how I can help.  My friend asked me to check in with their young adult children.  We had two of them over for dinner.  Sitting around the dinner table for the second time with guests I hadn't anticipated, I was grateful for the opportunity to help such dear "kids."  Waiting for the inevitable is tough.  But we laughed and reminisced.  We "broke bread" together.

I would love to say that we moved mountains yesterday.  I would love to say that a beacon of light pulsed above our dining room table, bringing happiness, joy, and peace.  Instead, I went to bed with a heavy heart.  The sadness and suffering of our loved ones is hard.  Since my dad passed away four and a half short months ago, these events bring his loss to the forefront.  Though a little down in mood, I envisioned the light in all of our eyes.  Light filtered through the laughter at dinner.  Hope lights the way in tasks we can do to help each other on our journeys.  The little pinpricks of light lead to the beacon.

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