Day 224: Breakfast

What is your favorite breakfast to get you up and out the door?

Hum, I don’t get out the door, per say.  I am a writer who stays at home, though I do take the daughter to school.  My favorite would be a cinnamon scone from City Brew.  Not a good breakfast, and thank goodness not one I can get here in Helena.  Though, I did get one during Memorial Day weekend when I was in Missoula.  Yum.  I guess I would say oatmeal, though I rarely eat it.  I kind of just scrounge around the kitchen for something to eat.  Not healthy, I know.  No matter what I eat, I have to have coffee with it, or I am not even getting out of bed. Yep, it is that bad.

Day 223: Acting

Were you ever involved in a school play as a student?  Did you act, sing, design props, play an instrument, or hold prompt cards?

My freshman year in high school, I was in the play, The Diary of Anne Frank.  I played the roll of Miep Gies.  She was the lady that brought the family food.  I had a blast with the play.  I tried out for another play the next year, but the drama teacher and I just didn’t hit it off all that well.  I turned my interest to other things.

Day 222: Strength

What, in your opinion, is strength?

Wow, books are written about strength.  Ultimately, strength is powering through and doing the right thing no matter how much it hurts.  I have wanted to run away from a lot of things, to quit at a lot of things.  Life is hard.  Relationships are harder.  Health issues are excruciating.  Strength is not stopping when it gets difficult.

I had to leave my husband to attend BASIC and AIT for the military, so I could go to college.  Even making that sacrifice, I had to work three jobs to get through college in Billings when my husband and baby boy lived in Wolf Point.  That took strength.  Living through my husband with PTSD and my daughter with complicated depression took strength.  Many times I would have loved to runaway, but I didn’t.  It took strength to stay.

With that said, my husband and daughter have been strong by working through therapy to coop with their mental illness.  Jerry fights daily going to work.  The job has grown old for him and there really isn’t a challenge for him any more.  But he stays because we need the insurance.  This is strength.  My daughter works hard every day to face her social anxiety, panic attacks, and loneliness.  In fact, today has been especially tough for her.  This morning she cried before school.  She so didn’t want to go.  She texted at about noon.  She had been crying most of the day while at school and thought she needed to come home after fifth period.  I know she was working at her emotions because my last text stated she would remain at school.  Way to go, Madelle!!!  This is strength.  They are both so very strong, and I am so very proud of them.

Day 221: Postponed

Write about a time you had to let go of something you loved or wanted.

For twenty-five years, I dreamed of going to Italy with my husband for our twenty-fifth anniversary.  As the date neared, Jerry and I talked about it.  He looked up different packages we could go on for the trip.  He found a great one that would take in Rome and Assisi.  He waited for me to give him the financial go ahead.  I couldn’t do it.  I had to let it go.  For some reason, I couldn’t face the two of us being on the other side of the world with someone watching my then eleven year old daughter.  I can handle one of us being on the other side of an ocean, but not both of us.  I opted for Vegas instead.  Watch out though.  In 2022, we will make the trip, the year after the daughter graduates from high school.  Hum, I guess that isn't completely letting go but more postponed.

Day 220: Upset

How do you soothe yourself when you are upset?

If I am not hurting, I clean house or do a task on my to do list that I have been putting off for a while.  Cleaning the house always makes me feel better.  It gives me a sense of control that being upset takes away from me.  I also like to garden.  This puts me outside and in the dirt, all things to soothe me.  Painting can also help.  I hate to admit it, but sometimes I also turn to food.  Many times, I would love to turn to alcohol, but I avoid that because it is not a habit I want to get into.  Besides, I am taking too much medicine to add more then an occasional drink every now and then.

I have to say that this topic is perfect for today.  I am so angry at everything.  I didn't get any good sleep last night.  This weekend, I wanted to get a good three thousand words written.  I only ended up with 800 because I kept getting interrupted and my energy tanked.  A professional book cover artist told my husband all the things wrong with my cover.  Her and an author said I needed to spend a good $6,000 on publishing a book instead of doing most of the work myself for about $100.  How am I to cover that amount?  I am frustrated.  I am upset.  So what am I going to do?  Maybe I will go take Leo for a walk in the rain so the cold water will cool me off.

Day 219: Broken

Write about a time you broke something.

Have I told the story about my tricycle?  I was too old for my trike at about the age of five or six.  I wanted a bike, but either my parents couldn’t afford one, or they didn’t think about purchasing me more freedom.  My tricycle was my only mode of transportation.  Unfortunately, the wheel was messed up.  I asked and asked my dad to fix it.  He didn’t.  One day, I got tired of waiting.  I went to the back porch where he kept all his tools.  Looking through all of them, I determined the hammer was the best option.  Outside I went. I pounded and pounded.  When I showed Dad what I did and how I needed help, he probably laughed.  I had fixed the trike alright, to never work again. I will say though that when I got older, Dad fixed things quicker when I asked.  Also, the hammer, I wonder if I was summoning my inner Thor.  He is my favorite superhero....

Day 218: Continental Trip

Imagine you are planning a trip across the continent on which you live.  Assuming you have unlimited time, resources, and energy, what will be your mode of transportation?

I would love to say a bicycle, but my body is just not in a good place for that with the RA.  Also, I would hate riding in the rain and bad weather.  In addition, I would hate the stupid drivers on the road.  So, my mode of transportation would be my pickup.  Yep, it guzzles gas, but I have all the resources, right?.  I would love to drive that route that takes a person to every state, minus Alaska and Hawaii.  I would find fun interesting things to look at through my travels.  I would document it through my journal and pictures.  I really would like to do this trip, and it is on my bucket list.  But then, everything is on my list.

Day 217: Introvert or Extrovert

Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?  How does this compare to how others see you?

I am most definitely an introvert.  I love being at home.  Monday is my second best day if I get to stay home while the daughter is at school.  I can recoup from all the socializing and having the family in the house all weekend.  I get very drained by being around people 24/7.  I need my space and quiet time.

I get a lot of comments from people when they hear me say this.  I am involved in my church and the Enlisted Association.  We have game night on Tuesday.  I go to conferences.  I let my husband drag me out and about to different activities with friends.  I also like to go do things that are with people.  Thus, I have friends that think I am an extrovert.  Nope, not an extrovert.  I just know that to stay healthy I can’t lock myself away.  I need people.  I need to get out of the house and engage in life.  At least, that is the world accordingly to Lisa.

This weekend I am heading to Miscon 32.  I go almost every year.  I am the person who walks around on my own unless with a family member.  I go to the workshops and sit off to the side.  Last year, I actually talked with a woman and thought I would have someone to engage with this year.  I haven't seen her name on the list of panelists.  Darn, I have to start from scratch.  Or not.  I might just be my normal quiet self.

Day 216: A Day of Writing

Oh, yesterday was a very good writing day!!!  I wrote for 4.98 hours!!!  I edited three scenes.  Marvelous.  I wrote over 2,000 words.  I did delete over 100 because it was so forced.  I might delete a little more when I run through it.  We will see.  Starting scene 11 was excruciating.  I had an idea to explore in my head.  The new character, Ilara, was supposed to be a character I didn't like.  I wanted to make a "political" statement with her.  Stupid idea.  She wasn't cooperating.  But, I just kept writing one sentence after another.  Before I knew it, I realized I might have written it wrong. 

Ilara was supposed to be in the scene, but she wasn’t.  At the same time, both Kirzantra (the main character) and I realized Ilara must be very sick to miss the opportunity to make Kirzantra miserable.  From there forward, the scene flew.  I discovered so many things about Ilara.  Different things I wanted to explore in the series started falling into place.  I had expected not to like Ilara, but now I am amazed.  Unfortunately, she won’t be in the story much longer.  However, I just realized that maybe Kirzantra will run into her daughter in book 2.  Oh, the possibilities.

Day 215: Point of View

Think about a time you were recently in public.  Describe what you were doing from the point of view of a stranger observing you.

The woman stood average height and overweight.  She wore her hair in a ponytail like a young woman, but she was definitely middle aged with fine lines sprouting from her eyes, wearing a pair of black sweats, a blue long sleeved shirt, and sneakers.  As I watched her concentrate on holding a pulley connected to a weight, her face contorted in concentration.  A couple times she grimaced in pain during the session.  When the physical therapist took the pulley away, she smiled at her success.  When she left, she thanked the therapist and wished him a good day.  She had a spring in her step and a smile on her face.  She seemed to be enjoying her day.

Day 214: Overrated

As all of you are aware if you follow my blog, I love to travel.  A couple of years ago, I started following a blogger who wrote about her travels by herself all over the world.  This fascinated me.  I don't like to travel by myself.  I feel a bit vulnerable which does drive me crazy.  I like to pretend I am that strong daring type.  Oh well.  The secret is out.  At any rate, I watch to see what she is up to.  Oh, and this lady makes a living by traveling all over.  Lucky!!!  The other day she asked this question on Facebook.

"What's the most OVERRATED place you've visited? C'mon, be honest!"  A Dangerous Business.

Wow, I was amazed by the answers.  People complained about London, Paris, Disney World, and a ton of other places.  How could they not like these three places?  I have been to all of them, and they were fantastic.  The one guy said there are too many people in London.  Seriously?  Why would you go to a city if too many people is an issue?

Now, granted, cities aren't my favorite places for vacation.  I much prefer to roam the countryside and see the little towns.  However, the London Tower, the London Bridge, Windsor Castle, and Hampton Court were beyond spectacular.  I loved London for all these places.  I still want to go back to see the museums, take in a play, and see the markets, churches, and a ton of other things.  And I feel the same way about Paris.  I can easily go back to both cities.

And Disney World?  Really?  We loved taking the kids there and to the parks in California.  Sure, they are crowded, but they aren't going to shut the place down for just a handful of regular people.  Get serious.  I don't know that I would go to the parks in California as an older adult without grandkids, but I would visit Disney World.  I enjoyed Epcot and would love to see Wild Kingdom.  And don't get me started on Disney Cruise Ships.  Love them!!!

With all of this said, my husband reminded me of one place we all did not like: Euro Disney.  I have never heard good or bad about this theme park outside of Paris.  With the name Disney, we assumed it would be exceptional like the other four Disney Parks we have been to.  Nope.  The cleanliness was lacking.  The staff were not at all cheerful and friendly.  We could tell they are not trained by the same group as those in the States.  So in the end, I guess I have one place that was highly overrated.

Otherwise, my husband and I can find something great about everywhere we travel.

Day 213: New Skill

Write about the most recent skill you have acquired.

In the writing arena, I have learned to write with depth.  After taking the Depth and Advance Depth classes from Dean Wesley Smith, I have found the openings to my scenes have become so much better.  The writing flows and when I loop through with my edits, I don’t have half the work I used to do with the scene.  I am very excited by this new skill.  Of course, I want to become even better, but I am happy with the progress thus far.

Day 212: Obsolete

Write about an item you use frequently that you think (or hope) will be obsolete in 20 years.

The mammogram machine would be a good item to make obsolete.  What a horrible devise.  I would think that an ultrasound or something could be tweaked to find what the doctors are looking form.  I mean, ouch.  Last fall, I went in to get one done.  I took a break from them, which I know is wrong, but I get really tired of the medical profession when I am always going for visits due to my other conditions.  I was pleasantly surprised that the mammogram didn't hurt like it used to.  But then, since my last one, I have to give myself shots once a week.  Also, my hip hurts a lot more and my physical therapist tries to kill me each time I go to see him.  Mammograms don't seem to be so bad anymore.

Also, all the torture devises the dentist office uses.  I have been known to avoid the dentist office.  My first hygienist when we moved to Helena tried to pull my gums out, I swear.  I couldn't stand the woman at the office.  (She was nice at church but turned evil at work.)  I am very fortunate though to now have an excellent hygienist.  I still grumble at the appointments because they are just an inconvenience to my schedule.  However, I like to chat with Clancy.  She is awesome.  Still, the dentist should not be so painful!!!

Day 211: Glass Houses

Make up a new ending for this saying: “People who live in glass houses should not….

I really hate these writing prompts, but I am determined to get through this writing challenge and do every last prompt in the book.  Here it goes.

People who live in glass houses should not skip glass treatments for their bedrooms and bathrooms.  I mean really, no one wants to see all that!!! Actually, this reminds me of a house we rented in Wolf Point.  I was horrified to see our bedroom windows with no curtains.  I was six months pregnant.  I didn’t want to change in there.  I grumbled.  We didn’t have money for curtains.  My loving husband talked to the landlord’s wife.  She happens to be his wonderful aunt.  She came right over and measured.  Within a day or two, she made curtains and they went up in the bedroom.  Thanks, Auntie!!!

Day 210: Advice From the Past

If you could go back in time exactly 10 years and give yourself some advice, what would you tell yourself?

“When you begin to feel burning in your left hip at night, insist that Dr. Coyle write a prescription for physical therapy.  In fact, make physical therapy your primary focus before all but your family.”  In my defense, I did talk to my doctor about the burning hip at each visit.  Nothing was done.  I could ignore it, so I didn’t pursue the issue.  Now, I am in a ton of pain.  Physical therapy is excruciating.  I really am not seeing any good come from it yet, but I know it will take another two to four more weeks to get to the problem that has been growing for years.  I do feel a little stronger and that is a huge relief.  In the last eight month, I feel I have been losing my ability to do anything physical.  I am determined to change that through the therapy.  I also want to start sleeping through the night pain free.  And I so can't wait to be able to walk the dog for more then a half of a mile!!!

Day 210: Mom

What is your mom like?

My mother’s is creativity.  She is an amazing quilter.  Each of my children have a baby blanket that she made for them.  The boys have graduation quilts that are stunning.  I have a variety of table runners and wall hangings.  I also have a beautiful quilt that reminds me of spring and summer gardening.  I have tried my hand at quilting, but that was when I was blocked as a writer and avoiding the page.  Madelle arriving and taking my sewing room put a kibosh on quilting.  Then, I went back to my primary love of writing.  If I weren’t a writer, I would probably be a quilter.

Day 209: Writing

Does writing change you?  How does writing make you a better person?

I write almost every day of the year.  I didn’t start out that way.  I have worked at keeping a journal for years.  Well, thirty-five to forty years to be exact.  I was hit and miss, mostly miss.  I went for months without writing.  Eleven years ago, I was introduced to the concept of morning pages by Julia Cameron.  My journaling became better, but I sill missed most of the summer.  However, the further I get into my writing gig with challenges and such, I am now where I rarely miss a day.  Yay.

Does writing change me?  My mother-in-law talked about her journey with writing this spring.  She would say it has changed her.  I am sure it has probably changed me, but for the life of me, I can’t think of how it has changed me.  Does it make me a better person?  Again, probably, but I have no examples.  So, the questions I have are what does writing do for me?  Why do I do it?

I “enjoy” writing about my frustrations.  Sure, I still have to talk about them, but putting them on the page helps me release the annoyances of my day a little more.  When my fiction is going well, I am able to brainstorm ideas through my writing.  I can work out problems, reflect, and see what I have accomplished the day before.  I like all of this.  Most of all, I enjoy leaving a piece of myself behind.  I loved reading about Laura Ingalls Wilder and someday, someone might like reading about me.  Granted, I would need to change my journals to more of memoire form to make it read smoother.  If I don’t, maybe my descendents will enjoy reading about me.

Whether writing changes me or makes me a better person or not, I love to write.  That is all the reward I need.

Day 208: A Recent Decision

Write about a recent decision that you have made.

For the past, three or so months, I have been working on buying a new vehicle.  All of ours are at a place in life that I worry they will break down on me when I am traveling around the state.  So, I have been Googling all the Nissan dealers in the state to find the one I wanted.  I had one in Kalispell, but it sold before Jerry and I could drive up there.  He was busy doing some military training out of the state.

Finally after Easter, he was finished with his trips.  I began planning.  Helena had one Frontier that was a potential.  Billings had a couple, Missoula had one as did Great Falls.  Spokane had four!  Out of courtesy, we went to our dealer in town.  Not no, but never again no.  They were horrible.  They were quoting us $2,000 more then the rest of the state and at about a 12% interest for financing.  They also didn't listen to my five year only payment plan.  Yep, never again.  Now, I really wanted to go to Kalispell.  They have been good to us in the past when fixing my old Frontier, but we wanted a used one, not new.

We started in Missoula.  They had a nice 2018.  Unfortunately, they leant it out to a customer and couldn’t get a hold of them to bring in the truck.  She said she would bring the 2018 to Helena.  I wasn’t going to buy a used truck unseen and undriven.  So, our saleswoman ran the numbers for the 2018 and a 2019.  She wanted to make a sale and was working for us.  When the numbers were done, she brought the 2019 down to a good price that wasn’t but $30 a month over what the 2018 was starting out. We decided on the new Frontier.

Day 207: Ex Boyfriends

Do you have an ex that you would ever consider dating again?  (If not, how bad were they?)

Honestly???  Not in the slightest would I consider dating them again.  Frankly, I can't even imagine dating anyone ever.  My hubby is trained and certified as the best guy ever to put up with me.  Also, I have no idea what any of my ex boyfriends are like any more.  (Two of them seem to still be great guys on Facebook, but I haven’t talked with them in years.)  As for how bad were they?  Frankly, I don’t know if any would be considered bad.  None of them were right for me.  Sure, two of them I ended up hating, but come on, I was a teenager.  That comes with the territory.  The others I considered friends and two were dear friends.  Besides, I hope they are all happy in their lives.

Day 206: Lifetime Supply

If you could win a lifetime supply of anything you choose, what would you choose?

Black Rifle Coffee.  I suck at ordering it on the website.  If they could just send it to me for free that would be awesome.  I like this company because they are veteran owned and operated business.  They are also funnier then...well, their commercials are really funny.  I showed my sister one of the videos.  I don’t think she was humored.  She has never been military.  Also, she isn’t blessed to be married to a vet or have an adopted military family.  Their humor is a tad bit different then the average civilian but spot on for the average Joe.  But I digress.  Their coffee is amazing.

Since reflecting on the question earlier this week, I ordered three bags of coffee.  I can't wait for the delivery.

Day 205: Jewelry

Write a about a piece of jewelry you own.  Where did it come from?  When do you wear it?

Which piece do I talk about today?  I have four rings that mean the world to me.  Unfortunately, my fingers swell from arthritis.  I worry about them not coming off.  Also, I love to play with paint and dirt, so they tend to sit in a shot glass, not on my finger.

Instead of a piece of jewelry, I am gaining a collection of pieces that bring me great joy for multiple reasons.  My sister has been buying me unique jewelry.  Four pieces are steampunk in nature with gears.  I love these pieces in their unique quality.  They also remind me of the hope to write in the steampunk genre one of these years.  The last piece she gave me though is a silver bear head necklace.  I love this piece because it represents my bear, Kleng in my Tenet series.  I wear all of this jewelry everywhere. Thank you, Sister.

As usual, I wrote this piece earlier this week.  I received another amazing necklace from my sister.  This one is a silver tree.  I have a story for this one to write someday too.  I am wearing the necklace as I write this.  Thank you, Sister.  Now if only your sister would send your gift!!!  Or maybe I will see you later this week to give it to you in person.  Love ya!!!

Day 204: Adventures of a Cartoon Character

If you could spend a day living the adventures of any cartoon character, which one would you choose?

Running through the list, I keep coming back to Baloo the Bear.  He sings and dances in the jungle, enjoying the sights and sounds of the great outdoors.  However, I just thought of Belle.  She gets to explore a castle.  Better yet, she has gardens and a library to play in every day.  How great is that?

But hey, I have a library.  Sure, it is a bedroom that I rarely go into, but it is there.  I have not only a room full of books, but also I have a kindle that will give me any book I want in moments.  Though not as fancy, I have gardens to play in and read my books.  Of course, I do need some warm weather!!!  Really, I have Belle’s life complimented with my own beast.  As for Baloo, I don’t have a jungle, but I can drive in any direction to explore the great outdoors.  I have my beloved Montana.  In fact, I need to go rock hunting.  I might have to do that one of these days.

Day 203: Lack of Sleep

What keeps you from getting a good night’s sleep?

I used to be fortunate enough to sleep well.  Granted, during Madelle’s darkest days of fighting mental illness, I spent a few nights not sleeping.  Also, when family members are worrying me, I have a hard time getting to sleep.  Like last night, I struggled because of one of my kids.  This always passes and doesn't bother me but for a day or two.  I am not that fortunate any more.

In the past year, my sleep habits have crashed.  I am usually in to much pain to sleep through the night.  I start in the bed, but in a couple of hours or one hour more likely, I have to move to a recliner.  My right hip is constantly inflamed.  I swear it almost feels like it is on fire.  I have upped my meds.  No help there.  I finally received a prescription for physical therapy.  My doc and I are going to have a coming to Jesus talk about this, but that is another story!  I hope the therapy helps.  At the moment, the exercises seem to be making it worse, but I hope that is only temporary.  Time will tell.  I really hope this turns around.  The lack of sleep and constant pain are doing a number on me.

Day 202: Birthday Drive

When I was a little girl, many summer evenings, my family took drives out into the woods.  I loved trying to spot a wild animal or bird before my dad and identify what it was.  One time, I remember driving by Fortine and Trego, Montana.  We counted well over one hundred dear.  As I grew older, you know, the teenage years, I hated these trips; unless it was just Dad and I.  We would drive to Libby and we added guessing the next area of the road we were at: Warland Creek, Dunn Creek and such.

I still do both games on my own.  I guess the next off ramp from here to Missoula, Bozeman, and Billings.  On the two lane highways to Libby, I guess the creeks all the way to the destination which happens to be a good four and a half hours.  I also watch for birds and animals.  Lately, I watch for birds more.  I love them.

Now, I am not one to just go on drives, but I love to drive to a destination.  For the last couple of years, I have wanted to do more exploring around Helena.  This is a result of losing my dad.  I know I don't have my partner in crime to do this with in Lincoln County.  Well, all our vehicles are old, and I didn't completely trust them.  Now that I have my new truck and Madelle is doing well enough that I can leave her for the day, I plan to go on more drives.  Monday was such a day.  Since it was my birthday, my son came home to go on the adventure with me.  The destination was Holter Lake.

Our first stop was unexpected.  We pulled off at Gates of the Mountain and drove down to the docks.  On our way back, we saw a pelican and a deer.  As we came to the interstate, we saw these two strange birds.  I felt like I was back in Hawaii.  They looked like chickens, but huge.  They turned and we thought turkeys.  As the truck got closer, they took flight.  I had never seen this type of bird before.  I looked them up: turkey vultures.  So cool!!!  I love seeing something new.

We continued down the interstate until the off ramp to the Frontage Road.  The Missouri River is beautiful.  On our way up to the lake, we saw a nest of pelicans.  Then we made it to the lake.  I have never been up there.  Stupid, I know.  But when you are raising kids, working fulltime, working as a soldier part-time, and traveling around the state to see family, I just don't get out in the country enough! 

Of course the lake is beautiful.  We wandered around the campground a little bit.  I snapped some pictures.  We saw a loon.  The picture didn't turn out well, but I am adding it anyway.  I love loons.  Unfortunately he was very quiet.  We also saw another pelican.  He amazed us when he took flight.  Gorgeous!!!

We continued down the Missouri seeing one more nest.  Without a second concrete destination, we both were done with the trip.  I jumped onto the interstate at the next ramp.  Though the day was gloomy, we enjoyed our time.  My son is great at conversation.  I thought of my dad on this trip.  I am taking over where he left off.  He and I used to go on drives and do a little fishing.  I am working at doing the same with Clay.  I love the tradition.

Once home, we added to our own tradition.  We played a game of Cribbage.  Man, Clay got a hand worth 21 points.  One of my hands was worth ZERO.  He skunked me.  And on my birthday!  I just didn't raise him right.  Seriously, I am so truly blessed.

Day 201: Saving Money

What was the first thing you ever saved up your money to purchase?

Cowboy boots.  Hum, I remember saving, but for the life of me, I don’t remember buying them.  I wonder if I succeeded in gathering the money because I also don’t remember how I would have earned the money.  I would have been about ten.  Maybe I should talk about what I remember.

Turning 12 was the best birthday ever.  This gave me the ability to earn money by babysitting. My independence began here.  Even at 12, I knew I didn’t wear the best of clothes.  In fact, the year before, I wore mostly hand me down outfits from my aunt that she took in to fit me.  So earning the green stuff was amazing.  I babysat for anyone.  Yep, I saved from about February through August for school clothes.

When I entered Junior High, we had a fun day during the winter every Friday.  There were quite a few options to sign up for: cake decorating, bowling, cross-country skiing, and downhill skiing.  My mother tried to convince me to do the cake decorating due to the price and her love of the hobby.  They couldn't afford either of the skiing options.  I refused.  Luckily, the holiday babysitting scene enabled me to save enough to sign up for cross-country, though I longed for downhill.  I loved those Fridays and never regretted the hard work it took to afford them.