Day 149: A Song

Write about a song and memories or feelings it evokes in you.

While my husband was away for seventeen months on deployment, I struggled with some friendships, two to be exact.  They were my closest friends at the time.  I did stuff with them all the time.  No matter what I did, both women criticized me for taking the wrong approach with the deployment.  My parenting, work, and marriage were all judged and found lacking.  Now, all of us were pretty miserable and highly emotional.  Our husbands were gone.  They were being shot at, and we could be visited by soldiers in dress uniform.  So, I tried hard to be patient and understanding.  I finally broke off the friendships.  Someday, I will probably write about that time.

My theme song for a majority of the deployment was “My Give a Damn’s Busted” by Jo Dee Messina  After dropping kids off or before picking them up, I would sing that song at the top of my lungs with the stereo blaring in my pickup.  Hum, and I wonder why I am struggling with my hearing.  Opps.

Now, I realize the song is about a guy and a girl, but for the most part for me, it was about a woman and her friends.  I sang the song thinking of how I didn't care what they thought about me or how I was handling the deployment.  Of course, that wasn't true at the beginning.  I wanted to quit caring about them, and over time I did.  Once I started stepped away from the drama they provoked, I found a quiet rhythm to our days.  I healed, and I thrived.  I also found my true friends who didn't criticize.  Anyway, I love song and the chorus.

I really want to care,

I want to feel somethin’

Let me dig a little deeper

Naw

Sorry

Nothin.