Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Looking at my blog, I am ashamed of the fact that I have done nothing on it for a month and a half. In my last entry, I mentioned the writer’s block that is still with me today. The conference I went to didn’t help with my lack of enthusiasm in all things creative: writing, crocheting, gardening, painting, and crafting. So, I am still listening and resting.
While at the conference, well all summer, I kept asking myself what I want to do with my life. How am I supposed to be serving God? Do I really want to edit the writing I do? I tell you what, with all this retired time on my hands, I think way too much! I must also confess; I don’t feel very productive since I am no longer out in the “real” world. But, I believe answers have been coming to me.
I want to have a cleaner house and exercise more which I have been doing. Of course, I want to also keep doing my projects, but unfortunately, I am not motivated at the moment to do any of them. It is so unlike me to not be playing with yarn, paint, or dirt, but there is no desire for any of it. I am not excited to write either. Just getting these words down seems daunting and boring. I can only imagine how bad it is to read!
I reflected on my service to God in a letter I sent to my oldest while he was at BASIC training for the military. He wrote back and said that there are many forms of service that we do throughout our lives. He believed I am serving in many ways already and to not worry. What a young man I have helped raise! And yes, this is one of my services to God, raising my children.
Editing. It is the bane of my existence. The reason I have been blocked is because of the four letter word edit. I even had a nightmare about editing earlier this month that took the form of a big pink jelly fish destroying all of my beautiful little fish (stories) by pulling back the computer screen letting all the water out. Dreams of critics have also flowed through me during the night. Yet I can’t imagine not putting words down on paper or a computer screen. All my roads lead to writing, so I need to just stop thinking, whining, and talking about the horrid task and start doing it.
I am trying not to reflect on these questions any longer. Instead, I reflect on one question only per day. What am I going to do today to make my life productive? Laundry, cleaning, and family time are always at the top of the list. I also try to accomplish time with the piano, a writing article, a journal entry, and the pulling of a weed or two. Last night I pulled out a baby afghan I started in the spring for charity. My desire/energy/heart is not in the projects, but if I keep plugging away at them, it will come back to me.
Blessing to you all.