Jesus Is With Us/Me

                What to write about this week.  I am adjusting to my oldest being gone.  The daughter’s new room is all but complete.  We are just waiting for the new bed and me to make some corkboard runners for her artist wall.  The middle child has been moody with the onslaught of allergies hitting the poor kid.  My husband is recuperating from his weekend doing his military gig.  Happily I have worked in my vegetable garden.  Yes, even with the very cold rainy spring, I am getting my vegetables to come up.  (Opps, actually the credit needs to go to God.)  I am still waiting patiently for some.  With this beautiful hot weather, they should be greeting me soon.

                Though I have had a flare-up of my fibromyalgia, a couple of sleepless nights, and lack of energy, I am still happy and content.  My house isn’t getting all that clean.  The outside projects are at a standstill.  Oh, my kindle died.  Cooking and baking are not at all a part of my vocabulary at the moment.  I keep wondering what I am doing with my days, but they are gliding softly by like the breeze through the trees.  All the activities I had lined up for Madelle aren’t getting done.  Oh, my.  I wonder if Jesus’ mother Mary had those times.  Speaking of Mary’s, in a way, I feel like Mary the sister of Martha sitting at the feet of Jesus listening.  What am I hearing?

                On Sunday, Father Dan talked about the Trinity.  I have always felt a connection to the trinity though I could never explain the concept well.  So, I sat up a little straighter anticipating new knowledge.  Four days later I am still thinking of the three points he made.  “God is for us; Jesus is with us; and the Spirit is in us.”  Very cool.  I also was excited that the new book I picked up started with discussing the trinity.  Well, the reading revealed nothing.  But I listened all the same.  I wonder if Mary felt the same way while listening to some of the things Jesus had to say.

                The new book I am reading I found in my son’s vehicle.  I have wanted to read it for ages, but he hasn’t finished it.  Well, with him being gone, I am taking the opportunity.  “Ask The Bible Geek” is written my Mark Hart who I listen to on the radio from time to time.  This guy is amazing and I would love to see him in person.  I chuckled because God is working something.  They are watching tapings of Mark at the youth group Bible study my other son is attending.  This week’s topic for the youth was creation.  He really liked how Mark addressed that man and woman are very different: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.  Not a view point much of the world wants to admit, but true nonetheless.  More good discussions are sure to follow!

                In the book, all of the Bible verses Mark discusses and the way he connects them to our everyday life are easy to apply to life.  I was excited when he went through the prayers of the Mass and showed me where to find much of them from scripture.  I was surprised at what is pulled from the Old Testament that the church keeps living in the service.  Another point that caught my attention was a friend of his asked if any famous people attended his church.  Let’s see, there are God and Jesus just to name a few.  He also talked about when he goes to church he invites saints to sit with him.  I love that!!!  I realize there are people who struggle with the concept of saints, but I know a couple of them have helped guide me in my life.  I need to invite them to sit with me.

                Finally, the last verse in Matthew just seemed to wrap the words around me to bring me great comfort this week.  “…And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20.  What a perfect ending to a book.  Jesus spoke these words and left them to the end.  He is with me always.  Father Dan said Jesus is with me.  He is the famous guy that goes to church with me every Sunday.  So, I am going to enjoy sitting at Jesus’ feet as Mary did thousands of years ago.  Of course, the Martha in me will continue to work in the garden and hopefully do some housework.  While I do my daily tasks, I will invite Jesus with me though I know he is coming anyway.

                Blessing to you all.

A Hard Week

The last couple of days have been a struggle in my journey to holiness.  I have found myself extremely grumpy, a bit angry, and a little melancholy.  Wednesday morning the sun greeted me.  The day felt like it was going to be full of energy and promise.  My middle child returned from football camp and I still had painting to do in my daughter’s room. 

Within about ten minutes of talking to the middle child, I was a bit irritated.  He was bored.  Really?  He just got home from a camp and been awake maybe an hour.  I stewed over the attitude for a bit until I couldn’t let it rest.  In his room, I woke him up from a nap to growl at him about all the fun camps and activities he was fortunate to have scheduled for the summer and if he were bored, I could easily come up with work to do for him to pay for said entertainment.  He grumbled and went back to sleep.  Gurr.

In the afternoon, I drove to my daughter’s campsite.  I found her crying into her pottery because the teacher made her mad.  She wanted to paint her own design and the teacher wanted her to paint a nature scene.  I told her to buck up.  With a half hearted try, she again melted into a puddle of tears and attitude.  I marched her to the vehicle lecturing once inside.  Gurr.

Thursday I woke up excited for the day.  The sun again was shining and I was going to 4^th Day group (women’s Bible study).  Near the end of the study, I started feeling off.  By the time we were driving into town, my stomach was rolling and I felt horrible.  But, I had promised Madelle to go out to lunch and run errands before camp.  Well, I made it through lunch, a couple of errands, and dropped her off at camp. 

Still having to be in town, I dropped the pickup off to get the tailgate fixed and happily went to a coffee shop to relax.  I wrote for about thirty minutes when I decided to read a book on my Kindle because the writing was pathetic.  It wouldn’t turn on.  This annoyed me a ton.  Two nights prior, I had a dream it had died and Jerry had left it at a coffee shop.  Being a bit superstitious (yes, I will admit that), I believed the gadget was dead.  I started rereading the book we are studying in 4^th Day.  After a while, I gave this up and went to the craft store for some wood I needed for a bedroom project.  It wasn’t long enough.  Gurr.  The shop called to tell me the pickup was done, so I cut my losses and went home exhausted.

A couple of hours later, the kids and I were driving to the daughter’s softball game.  Though the sun was shining, the air was extremely cold.  I dreaded having to sit in the frigid air.  I passed people jogging and riding bikes when suddenly I was angry at God.  He let my Kindle die.  He wasn’t helping me with my writing; it sucked.  He allowed the weather to be nasty.  He gave me a disease that took away my jogging and mountain biking.  Driving up Benton Avenue, I asked myself what was really wrong.  My Kindle is just a material good.  The writing is my fault.  I had a blanket in the car to help with the cold; besides, I didn’t mind the chill when watching softball.  I have come to terms with my disease though I do miss my old activities.  Why was I really this angry? 

It hit me.  I miss my oldest son who is all the way in Georgia.  Tears started spilling over.  I didn’t mention anything in the vehicle because Madelle would have become a blubbering fool and not been able to play softball.  While she was taking pictures with her team, I turned to Clay and told him what happened.  He smiled.  “That is why I was grumpy yesterday morning.  I didn’t have him to talk to.”  The softball game was great.  Madelle caught a pop fly getting the batter out.  This morning Clay teased me about missing him as he got ready to go to his next football camp.  I did get a good hug from him though.  And, after a night of being plugged in, my Kindle is working once more.  My writing is still in question.  The weather is still cold and I still miss the jogging, biking, and Michel.  I am not angry at God anymore, but He really does need to up the temperature!

Blessing to you all.

Graduation Ceremonies and Good-byes

                My oldest has finally graduated from high school.  The weeks prior to the big day I was busy baking cookies, planning a menu, planting flowers, cleaning the garage, and putting the final touches to everything I could.  The week before, I started waking up between three and four in the morning because my baby was soon to leave the nest.  With the lack of sleep and non-stop work, I feared my health would decline.  Rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia are not conducive to such factors.  Every morning when I awoke before the rest of the world, I had talks with God.  “Please help me get all my work done and enjoy all the festivities.  Once they are over, I can have a flare-up.”  Each night as I fell asleep, I thanked God for getting me through another day. 

The morning before the party I woke up at 3:10 to the sound of hail.  I paced the house worried about my day old flowers that I had just picked up from the local nursery and planted, all that hard work and no time to fix it.  As the sun came up, I walked around all of my flowerbeds and pots.  They had been pummeled, but they weren’t dead.  Thank you God!

The party went wonderfully with many family and friends attending to wish Michel congratulations and good luck.  I could feel the exhaustion just below the surface, but the joy of the moment kept me going.  I will have to say, I was thankful as the last stragglers left.  I was also thankful to my mother-in-law for insisting all dishes get washed.  I am positive I wouldn’t have gotten that done without her and dear friend Sandy.

With tons of rain before the graduation, I was very thankful for sunny skies Saturday morning.  I was exhausted, but still moving.  Yah, God!!!  I watched with pride as Michel and all his friends (my other kids) filled across the stage to receive their diplomas.  A ton of pictures were taken afterwards and we made our way home.  Once inside the doors, the exhaustion hit.  I sat down on my chair and didn’t move.  Family came and went, but I stayed and was very thankful.  I rested the entire afternoon and went to bed early for I still had one more function to make it through.

Sunday dawned beautiful.  Michel came in after the all night party at around five.  He was a trooper and woke up in time for Mass.  I needed one last Mass before he left for BASIC training.  We took separate vehicles.  Michel, little sister, and I went to pick Nana up at the hotel.  The other two took the chairs back to the church that we borrowed for the party and we met them there.  Off and on throughout the Mass I would start to get a little teary eyed, but it would retreat. 

During prayer time, I started a prayer for Michel.  “Dear Lord, please place a bubble around Michel during his time at BASIC.  Shield him from the negativity that I went through during my time at BASIC.  Give him good memories….”  I realized I wasn’t doing my amazing son justice with this prayer.  “Never mind shielding him Lord.  Instead stand beside him to give him strength during the tough times he will face.  Help him have patience being surrounded by others with no downtime.  He is strong, but he will need You by his side.”  Keeping him from tough times will not give him the skills he will need for his future.  Besides, he is a strong man that already has the awesome signs of a very good soldier.

After Communion, my husband leaned over and asked who was going to announce Michel leaving.  At the end of church there is a time for announcements and celebrations to be shared.  I told him he needed to.  I don’t think I could have done that.  The announcement took Michel by surprise.  I think he thought he could get out of church with no one knowing.  People thanked and congratulated him for serving in our military.

As I started to leave the sanctuary, I turned to see Jerry with his hands placed on Michel’s head.  Tears streamed down Michel’s face as sobs raked his body.  Clay instantly grabbed me for a hug as he started to silently cry.  Jerry finished praying over our boy with tears in his own eyes.  Madelle and Nana also started crying.  Hugs were given by all of us with Jesus there amongst us. 

Blessings to you all.

My Children's Journey

                I just looked back at my last blog on April 21^st.  The last couple of weeks have marched by fairly slowly.  They have actually felt like months.  A number of times, I have sat down writing a new blog, but each writing seemed dismal.  I have been struggling with a number of things.  When I do this, I get in a crafty mood as well as a bit depressed.  Instead of forcing the writing, which I probably should, I instead have been working on small projects around the house and yard.  I actually made a trellis for my clematis that is not falling apart and the plant is climbing quite nicely.  I am in the middle of painting a cross to go in my vegetable garden.  So, I have been busy and enjoying myself when I am not worried about the writing.

                A couple of weeks a big event did take place that I have been meaning to write about.  My youngest child made her first communion.  Family came from different parts of the state and an uncle drove about ten hours for the big day.  I so love these mentors of my children that travel for their big events.  We enjoyed time in prayer, conversation, and togetherness.  The best part of course happened at church.

                When my daughter learned that her older brother had Eucharistic ministry for her 1^st Communion Mass, she asked if he could do the cup on her side of the church making first communion.  He organized it with the rest of the ministers.  It worked out perfect because one of the fathers was able to do the cup on the other side which his son was receiving on. 

                None of us were prepared for what was to follow.  Madelle went up to Father and received the body.  She confidently stepped in front of Clay.  He spoke, “the blood of Christ.”  “Amen.”  He handed her the cup.  While she took a sip from the cup, he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.  In our little section of the church, all eyes became misty.  My husband, an Iraqi vet, leaned over to me, “he should have warned us about that.”  I still get choked up remembering the scene.

                The best part of my journey to holiness is to watch my children’s journey. 

                Blessings to you all.

Zeal for God

                As I was ready a fictional book called “Maccabee”, I came across an interesting quote that hasn’t left me since I read it.  “The others, the ones that left, will only fight when they fear they might suffer some personal loss.  Just like the pagans, their god is really themselves.  It’s always been that way.  It’s always the minority who have a true zeal for God.”  The last sentence really hit a chord in me.

                In the Catholic Bible, there are extra books.  I have heard the reasons for this many times, but I would have to look it up again to explain.  Someday I may go into that.  Until then, two of the books are titled I Maccabees and II Maccabees.  My Lenten goal was to study these books and read the fictional account.  I made it through I Maccabees, but not II Maccabees.  I have to say that it was a little dry.  It is a history of the Jewish people and how they battled to take Judea back from the pagans.  The Maccabees are a family, a father and five sons, who led the Jewish people.  Maccabee means hammer.  They crushed their foe.

                The quote comes from a fictional account.  I like the book a lot more then the Biblical account because there is wonderful character development, loss, and of course love.  After their father’s death, he left Simon as the people’s spiritual leader and Judas as their military leader.  Judas was discouraged by many of the men leaving their army to return home even though the pagans still held Jerusalem.  The quote comes from words Simon spoke to his brother Judas. 

                “It’s always the minority who have a true zeal for God.”  I can’t help but put other words into this sentence.  “It’s always the minority who have a true zeal for” country, writing, running, music, prolife….  Really any idea could be put in here.  The interesting thing is when I switch the words great people come to mind.  Those with a zeal for God are the saints, Gondi, Mother Teresa.  Soldiers come to mind when I think of zeal for country.  Writing would have to go to Stephen King, Terry Goodkind, and Danielle Steele.  I got to thinking about my zeal, if I have any.

                In one of our conversations, my son and I talked about faith.  I think I mentioned the quote.  He surprised me when he said I was the most “faith-filled” person he knew.  I laughed and said he needed to find someone better them me for that title.  I will admit that I was happy to see he appreciated my attempt at being a good follower of Christ.  Yet, do I have a true zeal for God?  These past couple of weeks it hasn’t felt like it.  I have completely botched all my Lenten commitments and writing this blog hasn’t been inspirational to me.

                I also think about my “zeal” for writing or the lack there of at the moment.  The truth of the matter is right now I have no zeal for anything.  My body keeps telling me to rest, but I want to accomplish something of meaning.  Instead of feeling like I am on a journey to holiness, I feel like I am on a journey to nowhere.  

                At my Bible study today, I mentioned my failure at my commitments and lack of zeal.  All I can really think about is all of my spring gardening that needs to be done; plus, all the prep work that needs to take place for my daughter’s first communion and my son’s high school graduation.  Oh, and I shouldn’t forget Easter and my middle child’s sixteenth birthday.  My dear sisters in Christ, reminded me of a couple of things.  First is it is okay to fail.  We can grow in failure.  The important part is we try.  I was also reminded it isn’t too late to work some more on my commitments.  Nothing says I can’t continue one of these commitments for the Easter Season or longer.  As for lack of zeal, I can’t remember how it was put, but so what?  The zeal will come back later when spring is over, the gardens are growing, and all of our family celebrations are over.

                Thank you ladies for helping me through and being such awesome mentors!  On my way home, I was inspired by a story idea.  The writing hasn’t left nor has the zeal.  I am just taking a rest.

                Blessing to you all.

Catholic Excursions

                The Catholic faith contains many beautiful practices and beliefs.  One of the things I love so much about the church is the ability to go most anywhere in the world and participate in my faith by immersing myself with the culture’s faith as well. 

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I traveled through parts of Mexico.  In Puerto Vallarta, we took a jeep excursion through the city and the surrounding countryside.  At a stop in a little village, the villagers set up a few tables to sell their creations.  My son bought a few Rosaries for himself and friends.  This seems such a simple transaction, but to look at it a little deeper fills my heart with love.  These women made the Rosaries by hand.  I don’t know if they actually prayed with these Rosary beads; however, I know they pray the Rosary as does my family.  In this, we have a commonality.  In the same village, my husband and other son walked up to the church.  They didn’t get to go inside, but again, they were able to find a common link with the people of the village.  All of us would have loved to attend Mass with them. 

Our next stop was at Hacienda Dona Engracia outside of another village.  I was fascinated by this area.  The first section we looked at was the tequila factory.  The drink here is made of blue agave pictured to the side of this post is the plant and the section of the plant they use for the liquor.  I have never been a fan of tequila until we tasted small samples of the drink.  I was amazed by the smoothness.  It is a recipe that has been handed down the family since at least 1917.

                After the talk and tasting, we were encouraged to look around the hacienda.  I could have spent a couple of days in the area.  My family ate at the little restaurant and had the best tacos, they claim, while I looked around.  There is an area behind the buildings with trails for hiking and biking.  For those who love to shop, a market sat next to the restaurant. 

TheEngracia family has not forgotten where their success lies.  They built an area to give thanks.  I was fascinated by the tiny chapel.  Love radiated from the room.  A familiarity pulled me.  The Bible sat on the alter with the same portrait of Mary that is in my church as well.  The crucifix of our Lord dying for our sins reminded me of Lent even while celebrating my family on vacation.  I went to a kneeler and said some prayers.  I was able to join my prayers with the Engracia’s prayers.

Of all my travels, my favorite activities are when I am able to spend time in a church whether it is enjoying God’s children at Mass or quietly spending time with Him alone.  I have been blessed to enjoy the Cathedral of Saint Paul in Saint Paul, Minnesota; the Basilica in Minneapolis, Minnesota; Mass in Atlanta, Georgia; Everett, Washington, Dublin, California; quiet time in a small church on Catalina Island, and now quiet time in the countryside by Puerto Vallarta. 

Blessings to you all.

Time Struggles

           About two weeks ago, I wrote about my writing dilemma and how I was going to take a week off with family and pray about my situation.  Our week away was wonderful.  I loved not checking in on the computer, researching, and hitting deadlines.  I enjoyed it so much that for this last week with a mushy vacation brain, I have been avoiding the situation all together.  I started painting the living room instead of working on writing.  Now granted, the living room needed painting very badly and I have relatives coming for a 1^st Communion celebration at the beginning of May.  They will return for the graduation celebration; plus, more people coming, so the painting is a necessity.  I think of all that has to be done to prepare for both events and my oldest leaving the day after graduation for military training and then he goes straight on to college.  I am overwhelmed.  Writing is the furthest thing from my thoughts.

While praying about my writing, I found an answer.  It is the same answer I hear when I put myself in this panic mode, but it is one I don’t like.  While I was in college the third time, I worked three jobs, carried 16 credits, and carved time out for my husband and son which entailed going home for weekends or them coming to me.  I was attending a college four hours from the town we lived in at the time.  Hum, if I could do all that, why do I question how to do my writing?  Yes I am older with more volunteer time for my kids’ activities, but I still have quite a few hours in the day to work with.

I need to start scheduling my days as if I am in college.  Basically I have five classes.  They are Editing Short Stories, Editing Pursuing Destiny, Writing Hypnotize the Moon, Publishing Communications, and Researching a Saint.  Oh, I probably need to add a short weekly seminar to write my blog.  Geez, writing this just scares me especially with all the celebrations coming up.  It sounds so doable in my head, but writing it seems so overwhelming.  I need to keep praying.

There is a saying I ran across in my studies of writing.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  They applied this to writing a novel.  How do you write a novel?  One word at a time.  I have to say though, writing the novel wasn’t that bad.  The tough part is to sell it while trying to get other work sold and still writing.  I really wonder if any of it is worth it.  Maybe I should just bag the whole thing and concentrate on the hobbies I love to do around the house.  Is writing part of my journey to holiness?  My heart keeps crying, “yes, yes it is.”

Yesterday I wrote up a schedule with all my writing activities scheduled.  I successfully worked on Pursuing Destiny and Hypnotize the Moon, but I didn’t touch any of the other things.  I am not feeling so bad about that because these first two things are what need to be done for the conference in August.  Today I am off my schedule.  I should be doing some housework and exercising, but I thought I would work on the blog seminar first.  I can get that other done later on in the afternoon.

Are you struggling with time management?  How do you overcome all the obstacles?
Blessings to you all.