Friday, June 17, 2011
A Hard Week
The last couple of days have been a struggle in my journey to holiness. I have found myself extremely grumpy, a bit angry, and a little melancholy. Wednesday morning the sun greeted me. The day felt like it was going to be full of energy and promise. My middle child returned from football camp and I still had painting to do in my daughter’s room.
Within about ten minutes of talking to the middle child, I was a bit irritated. He was bored. Really? He just got home from a camp and been awake maybe an hour. I stewed over the attitude for a bit until I couldn’t let it rest. In his room, I woke him up from a nap to growl at him about all the fun camps and activities he was fortunate to have scheduled for the summer and if he were bored, I could easily come up with work to do for him to pay for said entertainment. He grumbled and went back to sleep. Gurr.
In the afternoon, I drove to my daughter’s campsite. I found her crying into her pottery because the teacher made her mad. She wanted to paint her own design and the teacher wanted her to paint a nature scene. I told her to buck up. With a half hearted try, she again melted into a puddle of tears and attitude. I marched her to the vehicle lecturing once inside. Gurr.
Thursday I woke up excited for the day. The sun again was shining and I was going to 4th Day group (women’s Bible study). Near the end of the study, I started feeling off. By the time we were driving into town, my stomach was rolling and I felt horrible. But, I had promised Madelle to go out to lunch and run errands before camp. Well, I made it through lunch, a couple of errands, and dropped her off at camp.
Still having to be in town, I dropped the pickup off to get the tailgate fixed and happily went to a coffee shop to relax. I wrote for about thirty minutes when I decided to read a book on my Kindle because the writing was pathetic. It wouldn’t turn on. This annoyed me a ton. Two nights prior, I had a dream it had died and Jerry had left it at a coffee shop. Being a bit superstitious (yes, I will admit that), I believed the gadget was dead. I started rereading the book we are studying in 4th Day. After a while, I gave this up and went to the craft store for some wood I needed for a bedroom project. It wasn’t long enough. Gurr. The shop called to tell me the pickup was done, so I cut my losses and went home exhausted.
A couple of hours later, the kids and I were driving to the daughter’s softball game. Though the sun was shining, the air was extremely cold. I dreaded having to sit in the frigid air. I passed people jogging and riding bikes when suddenly I was angry at God. He let my Kindle die. He wasn’t helping me with my writing; it sucked. He allowed the weather to be nasty. He gave me a disease that took away my jogging and mountain biking. Driving up Benton Avenue, I asked myself what was really wrong. My Kindle is just a material good. The writing is my fault. I had a blanket in the car to help with the cold; besides, I didn’t mind the chill when watching softball. I have come to terms with my disease though I do miss my old activities. Why was I really this angry?
It hit me. I miss my oldest son who is all the way in Georgia. Tears started spilling over. I didn’t mention anything in the vehicle because Madelle would have become a blubbering fool and not been able to play softball. While she was taking pictures with her team, I turned to Clay and told him what happened. He smiled. “That is why I was grumpy yesterday morning. I didn’t have him to talk to.” The softball game was great. Madelle caught a pop fly getting the batter out. This morning Clay teased me about missing him as he got ready to go to his next football camp. I did get a good hug from him though. And, after a night of being plugged in, my Kindle is working once more. My writing is still in question. The weather is still cold and I still miss the jogging, biking, and Michel. I am not angry at God anymore, but He really does need to up the temperature!
Blessing to you all.