Friday, June 17, 2011

A Hard Week

The last couple of days have been a struggle in my journey to holiness.  I have found myself extremely grumpy, a bit angry, and a little melancholy.  Wednesday morning the sun greeted me.  The day felt like it was going to be full of energy and promise.  My middle child returned from football camp and I still had painting to do in my daughter’s room. 
Within about ten minutes of talking to the middle child, I was a bit irritated.  He was bored.  Really?  He just got home from a camp and been awake maybe an hour.  I stewed over the attitude for a bit until I couldn’t let it rest.  In his room, I woke him up from a nap to growl at him about all the fun camps and activities he was fortunate to have scheduled for the summer and if he were bored, I could easily come up with work to do for him to pay for said entertainment.  He grumbled and went back to sleep.  Gurr.
In the afternoon, I drove to my daughter’s campsite.  I found her crying into her pottery because the teacher made her mad.  She wanted to paint her own design and the teacher wanted her to paint a nature scene.  I told her to buck up.  With a half hearted try, she again melted into a puddle of tears and attitude.  I marched her to the vehicle lecturing once inside.  Gurr.
Thursday I woke up excited for the day.  The sun again was shining and I was going to 4th Day group (women’s Bible study).  Near the end of the study, I started feeling off.  By the time we were driving into town, my stomach was rolling and I felt horrible.  But, I had promised Madelle to go out to lunch and run errands before camp.  Well, I made it through lunch, a couple of errands, and dropped her off at camp. 
Still having to be in town, I dropped the pickup off to get the tailgate fixed and happily went to a coffee shop to relax.  I wrote for about thirty minutes when I decided to read a book on my Kindle because the writing was pathetic.  It wouldn’t turn on.  This annoyed me a ton.  Two nights prior, I had a dream it had died and Jerry had left it at a coffee shop.  Being a bit superstitious (yes, I will admit that), I believed the gadget was dead.  I started rereading the book we are studying in 4th Day.  After a while, I gave this up and went to the craft store for some wood I needed for a bedroom project.  It wasn’t long enough.  Gurr.  The shop called to tell me the pickup was done, so I cut my losses and went home exhausted.
A couple of hours later, the kids and I were driving to the daughter’s softball game.  Though the sun was shining, the air was extremely cold.  I dreaded having to sit in the frigid air.  I passed people jogging and riding bikes when suddenly I was angry at God.  He let my Kindle die.  He wasn’t helping me with my writing; it sucked.  He allowed the weather to be nasty.  He gave me a disease that took away my jogging and mountain biking.  Driving up Benton Avenue, I asked myself what was really wrong.  My Kindle is just a material good.  The writing is my fault.  I had a blanket in the car to help with the cold; besides, I didn’t mind the chill when watching softball.  I have come to terms with my disease though I do miss my old activities.  Why was I really this angry? 
It hit me.  I miss my oldest son who is all the way in Georgia.  Tears started spilling over.  I didn’t mention anything in the vehicle because Madelle would have become a blubbering fool and not been able to play softball.  While she was taking pictures with her team, I turned to Clay and told him what happened.  He smiled.  “That is why I was grumpy yesterday morning.  I didn’t have him to talk to.”  The softball game was great.  Madelle caught a pop fly getting the batter out.  This morning Clay teased me about missing him as he got ready to go to his next football camp.  I did get a good hug from him though.  And, after a night of being plugged in, my Kindle is working once more.  My writing is still in question.  The weather is still cold and I still miss the jogging, biking, and Michel.  I am not angry at God anymore, but He really does need to up the temperature!
Blessing to you all.

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