Surrender

For at least a year or more, I have been praying to surrender my thoughts, feelings, troubles, life in all things to God.  The prayer is a novena, nine days.  Over and over, I say the daily prayer that ends with repeating ten times, "O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything."  I usually have something in mind when I pray to surrender.

Today as I prayed, I was thinking about the virus, masks, and everything that goes with the situation of our world today.  People spewing their feeling on wearing the mask or not wearing the mask.  In my own circles, people have been so rude about their opinions.  I am no exception except I understand the other side of the argument.  I don't degrade their intelligence or moral character.  I only state my opinion in conversation.  I haven't been rude to strangers or workers.  I have been agitated.  I am trying to surrender this to God.  Today, a passage jumped out at me.

"Oh, how much I wish from you this surrender, to help you and how I suffer when I see   you so agitated!  Satan tries to do exactly this: to agitate you and to remove you from my     protection and to throw you into the jaws of human initiative."

Satan is winning the war folks.  The attitude of so many people in the area of the virus and all things politics is agitated, hateful, and criminal in some instances.  Daily, I feel myself grow upset about something I see and hear.  I think about getting off Facebook, but that is my only social time it seems.  Plus, I hate to be out of the loop.  I am not sure why I think the loop is reliable.  I read a post about how Ireland is upset that US citizens are making them sick.  Really?  I thought Europe still has a ban on the US traveling to their countries.  Everything I read seems unreliable making me more agitated.  I also wonder what we used to talk about because now the conversation is only about the world.  I am sick of the world.  The circle is complete and the point goes to Satan.

My world feels agitated from the cancelation of everything.  I miss going to the movies, Alive @ 5, barbecue competitions, the Fair, Festivals, big barbecues, and the rodeo.  Travel has been taken away with no trip to San Antonio for my thirtieth anniversary of military training.  The in person Vegas workshop is canceled.  No church retreats.  I miss giving hugs at church.  I miss human interaction.  I hate not seeing smiles from the people I pass.  My life feels stripped away.  I know some of you would say, "boohoo.  Get over yourself."  I say thanks for the understanding.  More points go to Satan.

What do I do?  What can one person do in all this ugliness?  I pray for my own sanity.  I pray for peace within myself, peace for the world.  I am praying for the strength to stay home, away from the craziness.  I go outside to enjoy the sun and hard work of gardening.  I keep trying to find good topics for my blog, though I feel I have failed at that.  I need a theme for the year that is positive and uplifting.  I want to make my facebook feed a small island of positivity.  Do I sound a bit like Pollyanna?  Maybe, but I think we could use a good dose of her right now.