Difficult but Good

Bad news struck in July.  I received a call that my dear older cousin was dying.  Due to her medical condition, she was making the decision to stop treatment.  The doctor gives her until October.  Now this cousin has been one of my main cheerleaders all of my life.  She took care of me when I was little when we all lived in Libby.  Since I started writing, she has been my editor.  She also has helped me through the loss of my dad.  She is the old wise woman every family should be blessed to have to turn to during the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The day I heard the news, I was numb.  The second day, I racked my brain to figure out how I was going to finish up my last novel for this series she has been helping me with since book two.  About a week later, I realized I needed to let go.  I have been so blessed to have her in my life.  She will continue to be, I believe.  So, I decided not to stress but to pray for strength for her.  And when I begin working on book five again, I expect her to be watching over my shoulder.

August brought a new challenge to my life.  I woke up one day in so much pain that I could barely walk.  Being stubborn, I stretched and rested.  I didn’t go see the doctor.  Finally, about three weeks ago, I almost fell from the pain in my hip.  Now I am working at getting a fix to the condition.  For the last month, I haven’t been able to accomplish anything in the house or the yard.  I am a bit frustrated.  I could wallow in the negative.

Occasionally, I do wake up depressed from these events because my philosophy is to conquer the day.  When I sit and watch television half the day and the other half read a book, I am not conquering the day.  I want to spend a good hour out in the yard and an hour cleaning house.  I want to be at the computer writing blog posts, editing book four, and learning something more about the writing process.  I want to have an artist date.  I haven’t been on a true artist date in forever. 

This summer I wanted to do so many things.  I wanted to make progress in the memorial garden, steampunk garden, and vegetable garden.  I wanted to paint a lot of the house.  I wanted to do some fun projects for the yard, Grandpa Hedahl style.  I wanted to visit new places in Montana.  My energy depleted just by waking up.  Drives me crazy.  I could easily stay depressed for days because life isn’t what I want it to be day in and day out.

Instead, I consistently remind myself of all the things I am thankful for in my life.  Sure, I have family and friends, but with no energy, I can feel cut off from them.  I must look deeper.  What do I have in my life other then people to make life joyful.  Well, I have music, books, and television.  I thank God that I can be entertained during my low days of not being able to accomplish my daily tasks.  If I feel the walls caving in around me, I go outside and pull a weed or two.  I make my bed and thank God for this small thing that makes me feel happy when I walk in the room.  Silly?  Maybe, but I take joy in the small stuff.

I also remind myself of some of the stuff I did accomplish.  I stained the front porch.  I painted the garage doors and around the front door to spruce the area up a little.  I think I finally fixed my driveway garden and the front garden to look good, though I still have some fall weeding that I hope to accomplish.  I went to West Virginia and saw my first greyhound race.  I finally made it to Butte to tour the Copper King Mansion.  Thank you, Kim!!!  Oh, and I hiked up a section of the Stillwater River.  Again, thank you, sister.

Tonight, I am going to join the said sister.  We are going to watch a football game in Three Forks.  I will probably have sore joints due to the cold, but it will be well worth it to see Dylan and the boys play.  I love watching the game and getting out of town for a couple of hours will be great.  Life is good!!!