Beatings

As artists, I don't believe in beating ourselves up. I believe in being

gentle with ourselves. 

Julia Cameron, Facebook, May 16, 2017

        Today when I read my daily affirmations, I hoped for a tidbit of encouragement.  Considering I hadn't read them for six days, I thought surely one would be of help.  Nope.  However, when I checked into Facebook, Julia gave me words to ponder.  She is a writer who helps artists to become unblocked.  She taught me about morning pages and artist dates.  She helped me to become unblocked about eight years ago.  She is fantastic.

Her words are definitely what I need to hear.  I believe them wholeheartedly.  I am just not sure how to apply them.  For the past two months, I have been trying to get back to my writing after my trip to England.  Unfortunately, in all that time, my life has been ripe with a lot of drama.  My daughter's mental illness has skyrocketed.  We had a huge financial scare that will be lingering for the next couple of years.  To prep for that possibility, we are stepping up our house projects that need to be finished.  I have been beating myself up in all of these areas and extremely stressed.  Needless to say, I have nothing left over for my writing.

Each morning, I come to the computer.  I work my morning pages.  I read through the writing blogs I follow if I have the brain power.  I contemplate my work.  Then I promptly runaway from it by doing housework, gardening, or working with my daughter. 

Now, I would think that my house, yard, and projects would be progressing beautifully.  Nope!  I am still working all the projects.  Nothing is finished.  As soon as I get close, I am pulled in another directions for a variety of reasons.  I am tired.  I am frustrated.  I am discouraged.  Yes, I am depressed and angry.

As I stated in the last two blogs, I work my list.  I continue to pray.  This morning I was a bit lost, so I worked my daily tasks of housework that I usually ignore until the last minute.  I worked on the budget which never is the way I want it.  I folded laundry and actually cleaned out the top section of my armoire.  My pile of things to take to the Good Samaritan is growing! 

Once I upload this little blog post, I will do some reading.  This afternoon I hope to plod along in the gardens.  I need to find a place for my cucumbers, pumpkins, and gourds.  I think I will put them in my steampunk garden because I won't be able to get to the retaining wall until this fall or next year.  I also need to mow the backyard and move even more manure.  I am so thankful God has given me the drive to garden and have too many projects to accomplish in a lifetime.  They really help me keep busy when my life feels in shambles.