Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Throughout this process of writing about mental illness, I have let me doubts and emotions hit the page. Last week was horrible and I wrote it all authentically. I really believe that the more we open up, the more we show the world it is perfectly natural to struggle. The reality is that mother's feel like the worst mother's in the world when dealing with all the stress. Some people reassured me that I am a good mother. I appreciate that and needed the encouragement. I know I am a good mom, but I also doubt that during the bad times.
The one thing I haven't been writing about is that for about six weeks my husband was out of town doing military duty. I don't like letting the internet know when he is gone. So, my emotions ran even higher as did Madelle's. She loves her dad and he makes the day shinier. He makes mine shinier as well. I was so relieved when he joined us Saturday night. However, my emotions didn't calm down until Monday. By Tuesday, my fibromyalgia flared-up with a vengeance. I am still hurting, but I see some hope in the future for life getting better. With Jerry by my side, the panic attacks are much easier to manage for our sweet girl.
Madelle has also calmed down. A couple of her friends, who I suspected were causing her stress, have split away. Two other friends are hanging out with her at school so this week is going much smoother so far. She is enjoying her new teachers and classes. She hasn't had a panic attack since Saturday. We are both relaxing and enjoying the reprieve. We are also looking forward to a weekend with tons of family and friends. I will talk more about that next week. Now, I need to get to work doing something. We, of course, continue to rely on all your thoughts and prayers.