Off and
on for the past four years, I have feared the future. In the last three months, my fear has
increased. This past month, almost daily
I look to the days to come and worry.
Why? I am a strong Christian and
put my faith in God. If this is the
case, why am I fearful?
I have
always been a numbers oriented person.
Yes, I love to write and read, but I love numbers as well. Growing up, I used to spend hours in the tiny
little bedroom in our trailer house that my mom used as a pantry. In the closet were a ton of shelves where she
kept all of our canned goods and extras.
This was in the days before barcodes, so each item had a price tag on it. I played grocer with a pen and pad of paper
or if I was lucky the little calculator.
I would pretend I had a certain dollar amount and then I would determine
what I could spend without going over.
As I grew up, I did this as well with my babysitting allowance. How many shirts and pants could I buy? We always had enough food in our bellies, but
I did grow up on the poorer side of life pinching pennies.
As an
adult, I am very fiscal conservative, but I married the opposite. However, when my husband came home from Iraq,
he decided to work a budget. Now, he is a
fiscal conservative. I literally have
thanked God for the change. This has
left us doing very well in our finances, but things have been changing. I lost my job due to health reasons and
haven’t worked in about three years. We
still have prospered. The past seven
months we paid for a surgery, a last family trip, and braces. This month both my vehicle and my son’s have
broken down with a chunk of change going into fixing them. Now my husband is looking at having to go on
furlough. Oh, my. I am scared and a little depressed.
As
Christians, how do we face the uncertainty of our finances? We can pray and be thankful. These are always the first things I do. I ask God to be with us and I thank him for
what we have. Yet, this isn’t
enough. I need to apply Saint Francis of
Assisi’s principle of want verses need.
When I go to the store, I have to weigh whether I need the steak verses
wanting it. Do I need a new car or want
it? Is fixing the old one a better
financial choice? Then there are the
bigger questions. Does my son really
need a car with insurance? The way the
world is going, this last question and other tough decisions could very well be
a reality in the near future. As a
family, we will also have to discern my husband getting a third job and me
going back to work.
I can
also turn to my Bible. A year ago, I
wrote about Proverbs 31:10-31, The Ideal Wife.
In this passage, it talks about sewing, long hours of work, and
gardening. I am contemplating making my
garden bigger so I will be able to can and freeze more food for the next
year. Instead of buying new clothes,
patching old ones could become more common place. I have been putting in longer hours with my
writing in hopes of maybe selling something in the next year. Also, I can’t lose sight of charity. I need to continue to give money in tithing
and to the poor. God has always provided
for us if we remember to give.
So, in
these uncertain times, I am struggling with worry. But I place these worries at the foot of the
cross. I also look for ways God has
given me to fix the struggles. Is my
worry completely gone? Hardly, but I
know He is with me. My heart goes out to
all of us in these dark days.
Blessings
to you all.
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