Monday, February 18, 2013
This morning I woke up and moments later I received a text from my amazing husband wishing me a happy anniversary. He spent the long weekend doing ministry for which I am very proud of him and don’t mind that I don’t get a morning anniversary kiss. I had been thinking of doing a post in honor of our marriage and I probably will later this week, but when I logged onto the internet this morning a news article caught my attention. Mindy Mccready (country music star) was found dead yesterday from what looks like a self-inflicted gunshot wound at the age of 37.
I tried putting the news behind me. Instead, it haunted me all morning. When I sat down to do some editing, I thought I would listen to my two CD’s of hers. The first one played in the background. The second one penetrated my thoughts and I could not ignore my feelings anymore.
I fell in love with Mindy’s music as soon as it came out. I loved her videos. The rebel in me loved the song “Guys Do It All the Time.” I adored the visual of “Ten Thousand Angels.” The song that still haunts me is “Maybe He’ll Notice Her Now.” In fact, it is this song that really struck a chord today.
I don’t follow much celebrity gossip, but I did follow a little of Mindy’s life. She struggled with drug and alcohol abuse and I believe she also struggled with mental illness. There is mental illness in my family and I have struggled with depression, so my heart always went out to her when I heard of the rough times she was having. This is why the song means so much to me. In my darkest days, I always felt that nobody noticed me.
“She wrote, ‘I feel just like that painting, collecting dust on the wall, And every day you walk right by me, and don’t know I’m there at all, And I can’t think of one single reason, why I should be hanging around.’” The dark side of depression and many mental illnesses find the people who struggle with them feeling this way. I know I have felt it quite a few times in my life and it hurts. Now the song discusses a woman feeling invisible in her marriage, but it does apply to depression. I can’t help but think it applied to Mindy as well.
“She signed it, ‘I hope that you’ll miss me’, and she drove herself out of town.” I have wondered at times what it would be like to runaway. How long would my family last without me? Actually, I do know they would miss me. I also know they would do fine because they are amazing individuals who are capable of taking care of themselves. We have raised the children that way. I am proud of them. In reality, I haven’t been in the deep pain to runaway or commit suicide. I can’t even imagine the despair Mindy must have been in to hit such a low bottom, the complete invisibility to those who love her.
My prayer for Mindy now is that her other song plays a part as well. I pray that in her darkest moments ten thousand angels are watching over her and lifting her up. I also pray that we can all be more aware of mental illness and help each other through the dark moments, to help stop the invisibility.
Blessings to you all.