Monday, April 16, 2012
Resting in the Desert
A couple of weeks ago, my sister-in-law made a comment. My memory is failing me, but I believe the comment had to do with being in a dry spot with her faith. I related to her at the time and continue to be my own little desert. My son, this last week, discussed with me how he feels he is stagnating in his faith. I myself struggled the last month of Lent and my desire to grow has waned. All of us can go through a wasteland while on the journey to holiness. In fact, I believe it is safe to say that our desert travels will take place quite often.
Disappointment in me hit during the middle of Lent. I failed to keep my goals for my most favorite time of my faith year. Yet, I didn’t chastise myself too much. For a year, I had been working on a faith blog, studying, ministering, and praying. I put in many hours working with my faith life. My energy factor drained away. Obviously I needed to rest. I am still resting. Part of me is anxious because I am not sure what to do with myself while I am in my dry stretch. Sure, I still go to church, I still pray, and I still pick up a book to see if a spark is lit because I want more. I also feel guilty when I am not working hard at my faith. Yet, I have to be patient. God has a plan for me. This dry spell is preparing me for another wet spell.
In the mean time, I keep myself open. I delighted in attending Easter Vigil Mass with my three kids and wonderful husband. I loved the message the priest shared with us to put all our sins in the tomb (of Jesus) and place the rock in front of the opening. The Easter weekend was also spent with family, celebrating my father’s 70th birthday, and fishing. I have been taking walks during the beautiful spring weather chit chatting with my Lord. My new side flower garden is taking shape and my Russian Almonds are looking better as I play in the dirt. With not spending as much time studying, I finally tackled a redecorating project I have been putting off. While I painted, I let my mind rest. Yesterday’s message at church struck a chord about stepping closer to God when we doubt. I have stepped closer while I am resting. And today, a meadowlark sang to me as I cleaned house. The little guy sat up in the electrical wires outside my sliding glass door, what a gift.
So, during my dry spot, I still very much feel Jesus hanging out with me. I struggle with patience and guilt, but I continue to remind myself it is okay to rest. “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Jesus spoke these words in Matthew 11:28. God gave us a Sabbath so that we may rest. Granted, my respite is taking longer than a day, but I know my spirit will be stirred again in the near future.
Blessing to you all.