Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Dreams and Hope
"'You can't stop girls from wishing. No! Everyone must dream. We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that's like saying you can never change your fate. Isn't that true?'" Kwan says this to her sister on page 194 of The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan.
When I read this quote over the weekend, I thought of my feelings as I took the Creole Queen paddle boat up the Mississippi just a couple of weeks ago. A deep sadness filled my heart as I realized I would never sail on the ocean with my dad. For years, I dreamed of taking him deep-sea fishing. Madelle dreamed of taking him on a boat trip down the Mississippi. I also wanted to float the Missouri River with him. We no long have these dreams, the hope. We can't change this fate.
I don't like dwelling in the negative, so I am changing my dreams. Simple, right? Not always, because after the death of a loved one, many people become depressed. They lose their dreams. They forget to change their dreams and continue living. Dad wouldn't want this for any of us. Thus, I still dream of fishing on the ocean and taking a trip down the Mississippi and Missouri. I have no idea if I will do this alone or take someone with me. Really, it doesn't matter, but dream still lives. And the best part, Dad will be with me in spirit.
This morning I dreamed of England. My sister, a friend, and I will be flying there in March to celebrate life and my kid sister's 40th birthday. Geez, I still remember when she was born! I dream of stepping on the island where my family lived and died so many years ago. I will celebrate those that gave life to their dreams by coming to America and moving West. I will celebrate the heritage of my father, Leroy Douglas Nixon. The furthest back our family tree goes is to York, England, 1393, with the birth of William Nykson, fourteen some odd generations ago. I doubt I will find any traces of the Nixons there, but I will see the land of their birth and death.
Where will the dream go after the trip? Are you kidding? The sky is the limit. I am full of dreams and hope.