One of
my favorite activities in writing is the research I do for the next story or
novel. Two weeks ago I realized the
NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) was fast approaching. I decided my novel project for November would
be my story about a young girl left for dead after watching her best friend
killed by raiders. Eventually, she will
befriend a falcon. To begin, I checked
out a falconry book from the library and bought a book about PTSD. The latter is a topic near and dear to my
heart since my husband and many friends have been to the warzones in both Iraq
and Afghanistan.
In my
readings, I came across some interesting information. As a wife, the first two years after my
husband returned from Iraq were tough.
Reading other stories, our story is a picnic, but it still wasn’t
easy. My husband returned
different. Yes, the basics of his
personality remained the same: Catholic, husband, father, and soldier. However, his personality became rougher, he smiled
less, and socializing no longer was a priority.
I, being an introvert, miss the socializing of the past and his consistency
in smiling. Also, he has stretches of
extreme tunnel vision that drive me crazy.
For the most part, all our energy went into finding a new normal for
him. We both went to counseling and have
structured a new life which has more bumps in the road, but usually they are
more manageable.
In Surviving
the Shadows: A Journey of Hope into Post-Traumatic Stress by Bob Delaney,
he extends his topic to the spouses of individuals with PTSD. The spouses of soldiers experience “another
form of PTSD on a different level-something I describe as Active-Traumatic
Stress Disorder (ATSD). The
circumstances that trigger the trauma in ATSD…unfolds with anxiety on the home
front, but the impact on a person’s body chemistry may be the same.” This anxiety remains after the spouse returns
home as the adjustment process begins and the PTSD needs to be dealt with. In my case, I lived with anxiety for about
three years. I still feel it from time
to time. I am sure my kids felt all of
this as well though we tried to shelter them.
Putting
a name to my experience felt really good.
Seeing a person speak in such a way helped validate all the feelings I
had and still feel. The spouse that Bob
interviewed for this section of the book stated, “’But I’ll never be the same
Mary.’” I relate so much to this
sentiment. I will never be the same
Lisa. Some people realize this about my
husband, but even fewer realize or understand that about me. While going through all the anxiety, many
people criticized me in the way I survived.
With that, I became more of an introvert and trust people far less then
in my younger years.
The
military, government, and television are working very hard to educate others
about PTSD in our returning soldiers. I
am happy to see that this understanding is extending to all citizens who go
through traumatic experiences in the civilian world. I challenge all of you to broaden this
understanding to the immediate family members who live with people with
PTSD. We change as well or we don’t
succeed in the relationships. I believe
a lot of the time the spouses change in the same way. Most days, I am okay with that. Other days are a bit rougher. Now I know it is normal.
The
information will help in my writing. My
character at the beginning of the book still lives at home with her parents and
younger siblings. I will write about her
PTSD, but now I will also write about the ATSD that the family will experience
especially her mother. My prayer is that
I will do both justice.
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