Response to Homeschooling

Colleen, I didn't feel like I needed to explain my life.  I wanted to explain my life.  Looking from the outside, people can so easily think the situation can be fixed one way or another and not know the entire situation.  If the parent would just discipline more, stop the child from being manipulative, just force her to go to school, and well, the examples can go on forever.  When Bruce asked about homeschooling, he saw a way to fix the situation.  Little does he know, these two Nixon women are obnoxiously stubborn and couldn't get alone at all if they tried this route.  I wanted to explain all of this to caution people that working with the mentally ill, logic and simple really isn't a part of the equation.  When adding exhaustion and heartache, suggestions can sometimes only hurt the caregivers, because frankly they are so stuck in the weeds that they are emotional basket cases.  In the past, the suggestion of homeschooling hurt because of my feelings of guilt and inadequacy at being able to give this option to my daughter even when I knew it wasn't the right step for us.

Evelyn, aka Shawnee, you didn't make me cry!  I will admit I was coming close to a migraine, but that wasn't you.  Sometimes if I dwell on this too long, the world seems to just push me too far down.  I know you are loving us.  But, that is why I excused myself from the conversation.  My dear mother-in-law and I had just discussed a bunch of the situation as had my husband and I.  All of it gave me a headache.  Just another "gift" of living through all of this.  But I am strong and discussing it helps.  Don't stop talking, I love you too. 

As for the crying, I cried when my friend told me she just wanted to be her sons mom.  Why did this make me cry?  The words she spoke rang as true to my feelings as if God himself spoke in a deep loving voice.  God sent me her words to help me finally express myself with the perfect words.  I want to just be Madelle's mom.  Beautiful.  God also sent me her words to help me feel less alone.  This friend is walking a similar journey of her own.  I wish she didn't have to travel this path.  I wish I didn't either.  Thank you, Michelle!

So, if there is anything to be pulled from all of this is, before handing out suggestions or observations, stop and think.  Will the things said or asked have the potential to hurt an already broken heart?  When a heart is breaking, really, anything said can hurt it more.  Would it be better just to sit and listen?  Most of the time the answer is yes.  Let the wounded be wounded.  We tend to want to fix things, but sometimes there is no fix at the time.  But this could be a whole other blog.

One final comment.  When writing my blog, I open myself up for comments.  That is wonderful.  I want discussion, even if I cry.  This helps me process.  It helps me answer questions for those who don't understand.  I might even teach a few people enough that when they come across other people with similar issues, they will be able to help more then hinder.  And really, so far I have received so much comfort from the comments.  I know all of the people who like and say a few words are all in my corner cheering me on.  And that means the world to me.  Thank you!!!