Day 355: Hoping for Weight Loss

As I thought of hope being my only strategy in some areas of my life, I saw myself getting on the scale every morning, hoping the number would be lower.  Have I been dieting or exercising?  Nope.  Have I even been watching what I eat or how much I have been eating?  Nope.  Well, a little, but not enough to count.  I have only been hoping.  And I guarantee, the scale hasn’t gone down.

I have a long history with weight and food.  In a short version, I weighed 99 pounds in second grade.  Horrible.  I slimmed up a little in junior high.  In high school, I began running and eating healthy.  I was 130, a good weight.  Two people accused me of being anorexic.  Absolutely ridiculous.  That was a great weight to be at, but I gained five pounds to make one of them happy.  In college, I didn’t gain the freshman 15.  Instead, I gained a year later 25 because I was depressed that I couldn’t afford to go to college.  When the military said I was overweight and couldn’t join, I started dieting.  For 20 years, the military continuously told me that I was overweight, and I dieted 24/7.  Horrible.  When I retired, I said to hell with it.  I stopped dieting.  I gained weight.  Twice in retirement I have tried to loss weight, but I have gained it back each time.

Currently, I am sick of dieting.  I can’t exercise much because just walking to the bathroom from the living room is painful.  I try to stretch and do low impact things.  However, I haven’t done anything about the food issue.  I love food.  I eat when bored, hungry, emotional, and because it sounds good.  Stupid.  Yes, I need to fix my attitude and come up with a strategy.  The problem...I am not at all motivated.

So, what is my strategy?  I have always believed I have an issue deep down with food.  I need to find out what it is.  Since I have a million stressful things in my life at the moment, to diet, I would only fail.  Instead, I am going to explore the psychological aspect of my relationship with food and see where it takes me.  I will continue to get on the scale and hope.  I will be more cognizant of portion control and continue to not have bad food in the house.  Today, I wanted to snack and there is nothing in the house. Yay!!!