Thankful

Sitting here this morning, there is nothing to see outside.  The sun hasn't even begun to grace us with its presence.  I think of what I should write about.  Writing sounds boring and nothing else comes to mind except the season of Thanksgiving.  I am not one to go on about what I am thankful for, but I can't really stop thinking about the topic.  So, here is my list.

I am thankful Madelle is healthier.  Everyday I wake up wondering how this day will be.  I worry a lot about her.  I sit through a lot of teenage angst and emotional gunk that makes no sense to me.  But at the end of the day, she is working so hard to stay positive.  She is in school.  I don't know that she will get her driver's permit let alone license in the next two years or what she will be doing after graduation, but she is doing better.  And for that I am very thankful.

I am thankful for my husband.  He is still putting up with me after thirty plus years.  We have had a lot of fun this fall playing fantasy football, going on dates, and planning a big anniversary celebration where we go on another honeymoon.  This guy is great.  He listens to my complaints about certain situations and never complains.  He puts up with my health issues.  I just don't know what I would do without him.  Oh, and he pitch hits for me when I want to get away for writing stuff and he reads my novels.  What a guy!!!

My health.  Though I am not thankful for the diseases, I am thankful that my doctor may have fixed the burning hip and leg issue at night.  I also think with my rehab, the two things have helped my hip immensely.  Yesterday, I did dishes and cooked my three items and didn't hurt until the last batch of dishes I attempted.  This is way better the a month ago and I am so very excited.

This is my list.  Yes, I have a million other things and people to be thankful for in my life.  I love my life.  

Thanksgiving Artist Date

Tiny snowflakes swirl around in the wind outside the window as the instrumental music of a movie soundtrack plays in the background.  The warmth of the house surrounds the inhabitants as they go about their day, lounging during their time off from school.  The smell of freshly baked cheesecake for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving feast wafts through the rooms.  Cold air breezes in as the door opens for the little beagle that barks at the door to be let inside the home.  The mood in the house tips from contented mom to discontented teenage daughter.  Many people who claim to be older and wiser spew advice to enjoy the young while they live at home.  Memories forget the negative, so wisdom is jaded.  Still, the attitude will pass on to the daughter someday when she is the mother of a teenage daughter.  And the snow will continue to fall.

My artist date for the week was to do some baking for the feast.  I am amazed that it has been over a year since I last baked a pie.  This last year has been crazy.  I didn't bake a pie for Thanksgiving because we went to a friend's for dinner.  At Christmas, I made sticky toffee pudding.  Poor Jerry didn't get a pie for his birthday because he was in Miles City and I was in Hawaii.  I could have made it before or after, but we were so busy doing barbecue and book selling.  Yep, that is how crazy our year has been.  No pie.

As I worked on the crust, I realized how rusty I am.  Sure, I have been rolling out biscuits weekly for breakfast, but that is a nice fluffy dough.  I am going to have to make more little pies I guess so I can get my skill back.  Jerry will be happy about that idea.

Two Thieves

For the past couple of weeks, I have been reading a book entitled "When To Walk Away" by Gary Thomas.  The book is about finding freedom from toxic people.  I have enjoyed the book immensely.  The author is a pastor and uses scripture to help understand ways to cope or ways to, yep, walk away.

From the beginning, I was amazed at realizing Jesus walked away from toxic people.  He said his piece, and if they didn't want to believe, he let them go.  He didn't stick around and argue, plead, or try to change their mind.  Fascinating.  So often, we want to "save" toxic people.  The thing is that they can't be saved by anyone other than themselves and/or God.  And Jesus doesn't go down the rabbit hole of trying to fix them.  I find this so freeing.

Yesterday, I was listening to the reading of the Gospel.  Jesus was on the cross with the two criminals also being crucified.  One of the criminals mocked Jesus.  The other one spoke up for Jesus, realizing who Jesus was.  He also admitted his guilt.  He asked Jesus to remember him.  Jesus told the humbled criminal that he will be in paradise after he dies.  Jesus doesn't talk to the toxic criminal.  He doesn't beg him to repent.  Jesus knows the guy is too far gone and will only continue to be toxic.

I love when what I am studying shows up around me, like in the Mass.  God is so good to me.  Now, I see that there is nothing to be done with toxic people except to pray for them.  Be kind in social situations.  If they repent and work on change, be there to encourage, but always remember, they have to do the work and want it for themselves.

Sustainability

Everyday I read or watch something that another author discusses about our craft.  The other day the topic of sustainability came up in a talk.  I have been thinking about the concept ever since.  What can I sustain?  Have I bitten off a little too much this past year?

I keep a chart of the total words I have written per year, per month for the last six years.  Yes, I love numbers and spreadsheets.  I have wanted consistency, but every year my totals tank in March and pick back up in October.  Yep, the garden months kill me.  For whatever reason, this year I have been consistent.  Every month, I have written 20,000 words or more with the exception of July where I wrote 16,000 and August caught back up with 26,000.  I have had a stellar year.

I have been able to sustain this pace for ten months, but for whatever reason, I find myself slipping.  I am 5,000 words behind so far this month.  I still have Thanksgiving to distract me which I look at my 10,000 words and wonder if I will get even more behind.  I am feeling tired and drained.  I don't know that I can keep up at this pace, but I have to.  I really want to win this challenge I am doing.  I have until the end of April.  I need another 110,000 to win.  My new theme, just keep writing.  Dare to be bad.  I have a whole list.  I can't slow down yet.  I need to just keep looking towards May.  No, I need to just look at today.  Today, I will write 2,000 words even if they suck!!!

Medical Update

My medical procedure went well on Friday, though I will admit it hurt like hell.  My new doctor decided instead of putting steroids into my bad hip he would put them in the bursa on both hips.  This entailed him pressing hard on my hips.  On the right side, I wanted to go through the roof it hurt so bad.  After he found the spot that hurt the most, the nurse put a freezing agent on the area.  He put the needle in down to the bone.  Ouch.  Both sides hurt for completely different reasons.  I told him I disliked him more then the dentist.  He laughed.  I really wasn't being joking.

I felt silly having Jerry drive me.  The last procedure that Toni took me too I was perfectly fine.  Well, I am glad I asked him to come with me.  I felt horrible afterwards.  I could have driven, but it wouldn't have been safe.  I wanted to be sick and my legs were numb.  I leaned on him the entire way to the pickup.  I crashed for the rest of the day.  On Saturday, I started exercising to start working on my messed up muscles.  Probably not the best idea.  Wow, I hurt like crazy that night at Mass.

Since then, I continue to feel less pain.  My glute on the right side has stopped hurting.  Oh, I can lay down in my bed all night without my entire right side burning.  Yay!!!  I still haven't slept a full night.  My body is programmed to wake up at least once.  Hopefully it reprograms soon.  The hip pain is becoming less.  I am driving without pain.  Thank goodness.  I am walking almost pain free.  I am very happy with everything at this point.  I still have the sharp pain.  Strangely enough, it is moving to a different spot.  I hope that just moves away soon.

In the next few weeks, I will be getting a second MRI to see if there is damage from the last year of all the issues.  I also have a doctor's appointment with an orthopedic PA next month.  I am going to keep the appointment just to double check everything.  With my issues, having a relationship with this type of doctor will be good for the future.

I do worry.  Last time, the relief only lasted a month.  I hope that since we hit the other spot it will work for a couple of years.  The days ahead will tell.  For the time being, I am relieved and enjoying the decline in hurting when I move.  I am surrendering the rest to God as much as possible.  Thank you all for the prayers!!!

Movie Review

Over the weekend, I watched the new Netflix original "The King."  This movie was about Henry V of England, a Lancastrian of the red rose.  Excellent movie!  I haven't studied anything about Henry V since my college days.  All I remember from back then is my impression that he was a good king, but of course he wasn't as scandalous as Henry VIII.

The movie spans from just before he becomes king through a war with France and his bringing Princess Catherine home to England to marry.  Not to give anything away, but I was impressed with his desire for Peace and to bring England together.  Of course, he had a learning curve.  But learn he did.  My emotions went from being doubtful of him, to cheering his success, to morning his stupidity that I myself fell for during the movie.  At the end, I was left with hope that he would rule well.  Yes, I loved the film.

Since watching the movie, I am hoping to learn more about him.  I was surprised to see Brad Pitt was the producer.  I was impressed.  Beware, there are some violent scenes, especially the beheading.

Nervous But Hopeful

I have been in pain for a long time.  The problem with my hip started in August of 2018!  I have been in extreme pain for a good month or two.  In fact, there have been days I have been very tempted to go buy a cane.  Walking for half a block will set my hip to about nine on the scale.  In the last couple of weeks, even driving into town hurts.  I have been handing Jerry my pickup keys which is unheard of in our relationship.  I love to drive.  I can't sleep in my bed because my leg feels like it is burning up.  Thus, my sleep is not great at all either.  I have been very frustrated and concerned.  Walking in Vegas?  Excruciating!

Yesterday, I finally had my appointment with a new doctor.  He reexamined me and talked all sorts of things that were very overwhelming but good.  The end result is a different thought about my diagnosis.  When he prodded my right hip, I told him it hurt.  This area called the bursa or something has hurt for years.  It isn't the area though when I walk that hurts.  He thinks it is still the cause.  Today, yes, just a day later, not weeks later, I have a second appointment.  He is going to give me a shot on both sides.  He believes I will feel a difference in a couple of days.  Oh, I pray he is right.  I might be able to sleep again and walk.

Of course, I will have to do some rehab.  I luckily went to physical therapy last spring that didn't help, but I will do all those exercises.  I am sure they will work once everything clears up.  I am so filled with  hope this morning that I feel I could explode.  Of course, added to the hope is some fear.  He told me the shots will hurt, bad.  No pain killers before hand.  Yep, I am nervous.  But hopefully next week, I will be doing better.