Sin of Gluttony

Redefining retirement, Saint Francis of Assisi, and the sin of gluttony have been the potential themes of the next entry I have wanted to write in my blog.  I started with 573 words to talk about how I wanted to redefine my retirement.  I read through it quite a few times trying to tweak the post but could only feel the words rambling on.  Plus, I reread my last blog entry to only realize that was the basic theme.  Who really wants to hear a writer go on about their life woes?  A day or two later I wrote about Saint Francis of Assisi’s concept of want verses need that spoke to my heart about eleven or so years ago.  It turned into the same drivel.  I haven’t yet tried just talking about the real point of the post, sin of gluttony.

On Catholic Radio, there is a host who does the Catholic Guy show.  When Jerry told me about him, I was hooked.  Here is a guy who made me laugh and think about Catholicism in a whole different way.  Plus, he is a sinner.  Boy can I relate to that!  So I listened as he shared his struggles in life.  I enjoyed the whacky things he and his staff did over the radio.  After about a year, he started to irritate me.  He whines all the time about his terrible life while he just returns to New York from Italy.  Italy!  How can you whine after returning from Italy?  There were a few times I wanted to call the show and tell him, “enough all ready.”  I would give my eye teeth to go to Italy.  I have never had all that much empathy for whiners and try really hard not to whine myself hence the not posting the two entries I have written that are whiny. 

As much as Lino annoys me, I still like him.  He is a kooky Italian American from Minnesota who is almost forty and single.  Most of his whining comes from being single.  I can understand that.  I love being married with children.  However, I could fine enjoyment in Italy as well!  At any rate, Lino wrote a book called Sinner which is about his life.  He is so candid about his sins.  I find it very refreshing.  We all sin.  Why can’t we just say it?  So here it goes….

Gluttony is one of my bigger sins.  I fight it daily.  Well, that isn’t quite right.  In high school and in the military I fought the temptations of food daily.  I took a break from the war while I was pregnant with all three kids and gained too much weight which proceeded to take too long to take off.  When I started struggling with my health, I kept fighting, but losing badly.  Part of my strategy to fight the gluttony was running, biking, and lifting weights.  I lost this at the intensity I loved.  A ten minute walk drives me crazy.  So, when I retired, I quit fighting altogether.  Not a great tactic, but it is what it is.  I also succumbed to my favorite hobby, baking.  My prayer was acceptance of who I am.  Of course, I would squirm when the word glutton crossed the battlefield or I stepped on the scale. 

This summer I was determined to not gain any more weight.  The D[iet] word kept creeping into my thoughts as well.  I thought about exercising, but I knew I would start aching, hurting, and end up on bed rest.  I hate bed rest!!!  When I went out to Creations Northwest, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to stop eating 24/7.  No, I did eat just three meals a day without the tons of snacking or eating my delicious cookies.  Due to the enormity of the event, I had to walk about half a mile to the main stage.  I still kind of cringe at the thought of only walking a half mile.  I so miss my running days and mountain biking excursions.  When I got home, I actually had lost two pounds.  Hum….  Small walks and eating right do make a difference.  Yes, I realize this as an intelligent concept and I am an intelligent person, but sin never talks to us when we are intelligent.

To make a story shorter then longer like I so love to do, I started a diet on Saturday.  I need to redefine my retirement by not baking for every occasion (my boys are pouting, but trying to be supportive).  So far the new eating style has been fine, but yesterday I struggled with not baking.  Wednesdays are my slow day in the house when I always baked and I was getting a bit stir-crazy.  But, I keep thinking of the want verses need concept.  Do I need to bake or do I want to bake?  It is just a want, so I will ignore the urge. 

Our bodies are a temple.  Doing a quick search, I found three verses that discuss this.  The one I am most familiar with, “Do you not know that you are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for the temple of God, which you are, is holy.” 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.  So I will leave you with this.  My body is a temple that I need to take care of in all ways.  I will probably not hit the standard the military set for me, but the extra, extra weight on my joints will only make my rheumatoid arthritis worse in the long run.  In essence, I will be destroying my body.  I need to fix it.  Besides, gluttony is a sin and I don’t want to destroy my soul either.

Blessing to you all.

Plugging Away

            Looking at my blog, I am ashamed of the fact that I have done nothing on it for a month and a half.  In my last entry, I mentioned the writer’s block that is still with me today.  The conference I went to didn’t help with my lack of enthusiasm in all things creative: writing, crocheting, gardening, painting, and crafting.  So, I am still listening and resting.

            While at the conference, well all summer, I kept asking myself what I want to do with my life.  How am I supposed to be serving God?  Do I really want to edit the writing I do?  I tell you what, with all this retired time on my hands, I think way too much!  I must also confess; I don’t feel very productive since I am no longer out in the “real” world.  But, I believe answers have been coming to me.

I want to have a cleaner house and exercise more which I have been doing.  Of course, I want to also keep doing my projects, but unfortunately, I am not motivated at the moment to do any of them.  It is so unlike me to not be playing with yarn, paint, or dirt, but there is no desire for any of it.  I am not excited to write either.  Just getting these words down seems daunting and boring.  I can only imagine how bad it is to read! 

I reflected on my service to God in a letter I sent to my oldest while he was at BASIC training for the military.  He wrote back and said that there are many forms of service that we do throughout our lives.  He believed I am serving in many ways already and to not worry.  What a young man I have helped raise!  And yes, this is one of my services to God, raising my children. 

Editing.  It is the bane of my existence.  The reason I have been blocked is because of the four letter word edit.  I even had a nightmare about editing earlier this month that took the form of a big pink jelly fish destroying all of my beautiful little fish (stories) by pulling back the computer screen letting all the water out.  Dreams of critics have also flowed through me during the night.  Yet I can’t imagine not putting words down on paper or a computer screen.  All my roads lead to writing, so I need to just stop thinking, whining, and talking about the horrid task and start doing it. 

I am trying not to reflect on these questions any longer.  Instead, I reflect on one question only per day.  What am I going to do today to make my life productive?  Laundry, cleaning, and family time are always at the top of the list.  I also try to accomplish time with the piano, a writing article, a journal entry, and the pulling of a weed or two.  Last night I pulled out a baby afghan I started in the spring for charity.  My desire/energy/heart is not in the projects, but if I keep plugging away at them, it will come back to me. 

Blessing to you all.

Living Bibles

                Wow, this past month has flown by with the summer sunshine smiling down.  I didn’t mean to not post, but with a major writer’s block and a couple of trips, it happened.  I have taken the time to rest and listen.  While back home visiting my parents, I saw friends and family.  I also spent some time learning to hand quilt.  I am not sure how long I will do this.  I suspect my sewing machine will come out of storage soon because I am going to want to get some projects done quicker than my hand can sew.  I also spent a week letting the Spirit fill my soul through Christian music and fellowship.  I found a few things to write about from that week which I will share later.  I will be taking another week and a half off.  With much reluctance, I am headed back to the Seattle area for a writer’s conference.  Hopefully it will help with the block that has been plaguing me for the last couple of months.  In the meantime, I wanted to share a couple of things that have touched my soul before I leave on my next trip.  I hope it makes you stop and consider….

“We are the only Bible some people will ever read.”  My mother-in-law made this statement to me last month.  I have thought about this often throughout my days.  What a huge responsibility this is for us Christians.  Every moment we spend with non-believers is a moment of witness that I have not always recognized.  All the times we spend with other Christians, who may or may not read the Bible, we are still a living Bible.  Sure, I try to be nice, courteous, and kind, but to be the Bible?  Wow.  This is a colossal responsibility.  I know that I have not always lived up to the task.

                One of my biggest non-Biblical characteristics is when I don’t like a person, someone has hurt me without apologizing, or they make me uncomfortable, I have a hard time being friendly.  Recently, a verse struck me that I believe applies.  “Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.’”  Luke 9:62.  Each time I read this, I visualize myself looking in my past at all the wrongs done to me by people.  I get angry when their faces pop into my memories because I instantly remember the hurt done to me.  I have asked God to help me forgive and I “say” I forgive them, but the anger still surfaces.  This is a very humbling verse for me because frankly, I don’t think I am fit for the kingdom.  Over Memorial Day weekend, I accidentally ran into a woman who used to be a friend.  We spoke a word or two about my daughter.  Other than that, I was speechless.  I wasn’t a good Bible.

                My son brought home a DVD collection of Mark Hart the Bible Geek.  It was an eight part seminar on the timeline of the Bible.  I watched the whole thing in a day.  The main theme he spoke about is the entire Bible is a story of salvation, God’s attempt at saving His people.  I learned a ton.  Partway through, Mark talked about how we don’t just go to church for our own salvation, but for the salvation of others.  As a community, we need to be there for each other through both the ups and downs.  I connected this to what my mother-in-law said.  We need to be a Bible for our fellow Christians especially during their times of struggles.  At this point, I paused the DVD and cried.

                I can’t say what jogged my memory, but my thoughts went back twenty-four years.  My junior and senior year’s in high school where extremely faith-filled.  I felt the Holy Spirit pulse through me many times.  However, I did have a period of depression the winter of my senior year.  Either at graduation or a couple of years later, one of my classmates thanked me.  She and I didn’t hang out together, but we had spent two intense weekends together at youth retreats.  I considered her a true sister in Christ and always gave her hugs and smiles in the halls.  She said those hugs helped her get through her tough times.  Wow, I didn’t know that because at the same time she was helping me get through my depression.  We were both being a living Bible to the other.  I said a prayer for her and turned the DVD back on hoping she is happily sitting at the feet of our Lord.

                Jesus is the Word made flesh and we are to walk in his light.  People turned from Him closing their hearts to his love.  As we try to walk as Christians and be a living Bible, we will fail to live up to the standard.  We sin.  This is why Jesus had to die on the cross.  Others will harden their heart to our example.  I have much work to do to be a living Bible, but I will continue to try.  For the moment, I will look forward and not look back to the past.

                Blessings to you all.

Jesus Is With Us/Me

                What to write about this week.  I am adjusting to my oldest being gone.  The daughter’s new room is all but complete.  We are just waiting for the new bed and me to make some corkboard runners for her artist wall.  The middle child has been moody with the onslaught of allergies hitting the poor kid.  My husband is recuperating from his weekend doing his military gig.  Happily I have worked in my vegetable garden.  Yes, even with the very cold rainy spring, I am getting my vegetables to come up.  (Opps, actually the credit needs to go to God.)  I am still waiting patiently for some.  With this beautiful hot weather, they should be greeting me soon.

                Though I have had a flare-up of my fibromyalgia, a couple of sleepless nights, and lack of energy, I am still happy and content.  My house isn’t getting all that clean.  The outside projects are at a standstill.  Oh, my kindle died.  Cooking and baking are not at all a part of my vocabulary at the moment.  I keep wondering what I am doing with my days, but they are gliding softly by like the breeze through the trees.  All the activities I had lined up for Madelle aren’t getting done.  Oh, my.  I wonder if Jesus’ mother Mary had those times.  Speaking of Mary’s, in a way, I feel like Mary the sister of Martha sitting at the feet of Jesus listening.  What am I hearing?

                On Sunday, Father Dan talked about the Trinity.  I have always felt a connection to the trinity though I could never explain the concept well.  So, I sat up a little straighter anticipating new knowledge.  Four days later I am still thinking of the three points he made.  “God is for us; Jesus is with us; and the Spirit is in us.”  Very cool.  I also was excited that the new book I picked up started with discussing the trinity.  Well, the reading revealed nothing.  But I listened all the same.  I wonder if Mary felt the same way while listening to some of the things Jesus had to say.

                The new book I am reading I found in my son’s vehicle.  I have wanted to read it for ages, but he hasn’t finished it.  Well, with him being gone, I am taking the opportunity.  “Ask The Bible Geek” is written my Mark Hart who I listen to on the radio from time to time.  This guy is amazing and I would love to see him in person.  I chuckled because God is working something.  They are watching tapings of Mark at the youth group Bible study my other son is attending.  This week’s topic for the youth was creation.  He really liked how Mark addressed that man and woman are very different: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.  Not a view point much of the world wants to admit, but true nonetheless.  More good discussions are sure to follow!

                In the book, all of the Bible verses Mark discusses and the way he connects them to our everyday life are easy to apply to life.  I was excited when he went through the prayers of the Mass and showed me where to find much of them from scripture.  I was surprised at what is pulled from the Old Testament that the church keeps living in the service.  Another point that caught my attention was a friend of his asked if any famous people attended his church.  Let’s see, there are God and Jesus just to name a few.  He also talked about when he goes to church he invites saints to sit with him.  I love that!!!  I realize there are people who struggle with the concept of saints, but I know a couple of them have helped guide me in my life.  I need to invite them to sit with me.

                Finally, the last verse in Matthew just seemed to wrap the words around me to bring me great comfort this week.  “…And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20.  What a perfect ending to a book.  Jesus spoke these words and left them to the end.  He is with me always.  Father Dan said Jesus is with me.  He is the famous guy that goes to church with me every Sunday.  So, I am going to enjoy sitting at Jesus’ feet as Mary did thousands of years ago.  Of course, the Martha in me will continue to work in the garden and hopefully do some housework.  While I do my daily tasks, I will invite Jesus with me though I know he is coming anyway.

                Blessing to you all.

A Hard Week

The last couple of days have been a struggle in my journey to holiness.  I have found myself extremely grumpy, a bit angry, and a little melancholy.  Wednesday morning the sun greeted me.  The day felt like it was going to be full of energy and promise.  My middle child returned from football camp and I still had painting to do in my daughter’s room. 

Within about ten minutes of talking to the middle child, I was a bit irritated.  He was bored.  Really?  He just got home from a camp and been awake maybe an hour.  I stewed over the attitude for a bit until I couldn’t let it rest.  In his room, I woke him up from a nap to growl at him about all the fun camps and activities he was fortunate to have scheduled for the summer and if he were bored, I could easily come up with work to do for him to pay for said entertainment.  He grumbled and went back to sleep.  Gurr.

In the afternoon, I drove to my daughter’s campsite.  I found her crying into her pottery because the teacher made her mad.  She wanted to paint her own design and the teacher wanted her to paint a nature scene.  I told her to buck up.  With a half hearted try, she again melted into a puddle of tears and attitude.  I marched her to the vehicle lecturing once inside.  Gurr.

Thursday I woke up excited for the day.  The sun again was shining and I was going to 4^th Day group (women’s Bible study).  Near the end of the study, I started feeling off.  By the time we were driving into town, my stomach was rolling and I felt horrible.  But, I had promised Madelle to go out to lunch and run errands before camp.  Well, I made it through lunch, a couple of errands, and dropped her off at camp. 

Still having to be in town, I dropped the pickup off to get the tailgate fixed and happily went to a coffee shop to relax.  I wrote for about thirty minutes when I decided to read a book on my Kindle because the writing was pathetic.  It wouldn’t turn on.  This annoyed me a ton.  Two nights prior, I had a dream it had died and Jerry had left it at a coffee shop.  Being a bit superstitious (yes, I will admit that), I believed the gadget was dead.  I started rereading the book we are studying in 4^th Day.  After a while, I gave this up and went to the craft store for some wood I needed for a bedroom project.  It wasn’t long enough.  Gurr.  The shop called to tell me the pickup was done, so I cut my losses and went home exhausted.

A couple of hours later, the kids and I were driving to the daughter’s softball game.  Though the sun was shining, the air was extremely cold.  I dreaded having to sit in the frigid air.  I passed people jogging and riding bikes when suddenly I was angry at God.  He let my Kindle die.  He wasn’t helping me with my writing; it sucked.  He allowed the weather to be nasty.  He gave me a disease that took away my jogging and mountain biking.  Driving up Benton Avenue, I asked myself what was really wrong.  My Kindle is just a material good.  The writing is my fault.  I had a blanket in the car to help with the cold; besides, I didn’t mind the chill when watching softball.  I have come to terms with my disease though I do miss my old activities.  Why was I really this angry? 

It hit me.  I miss my oldest son who is all the way in Georgia.  Tears started spilling over.  I didn’t mention anything in the vehicle because Madelle would have become a blubbering fool and not been able to play softball.  While she was taking pictures with her team, I turned to Clay and told him what happened.  He smiled.  “That is why I was grumpy yesterday morning.  I didn’t have him to talk to.”  The softball game was great.  Madelle caught a pop fly getting the batter out.  This morning Clay teased me about missing him as he got ready to go to his next football camp.  I did get a good hug from him though.  And, after a night of being plugged in, my Kindle is working once more.  My writing is still in question.  The weather is still cold and I still miss the jogging, biking, and Michel.  I am not angry at God anymore, but He really does need to up the temperature!

Blessing to you all.

Graduation Ceremonies and Good-byes

                My oldest has finally graduated from high school.  The weeks prior to the big day I was busy baking cookies, planning a menu, planting flowers, cleaning the garage, and putting the final touches to everything I could.  The week before, I started waking up between three and four in the morning because my baby was soon to leave the nest.  With the lack of sleep and non-stop work, I feared my health would decline.  Rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia are not conducive to such factors.  Every morning when I awoke before the rest of the world, I had talks with God.  “Please help me get all my work done and enjoy all the festivities.  Once they are over, I can have a flare-up.”  Each night as I fell asleep, I thanked God for getting me through another day. 

The morning before the party I woke up at 3:10 to the sound of hail.  I paced the house worried about my day old flowers that I had just picked up from the local nursery and planted, all that hard work and no time to fix it.  As the sun came up, I walked around all of my flowerbeds and pots.  They had been pummeled, but they weren’t dead.  Thank you God!

The party went wonderfully with many family and friends attending to wish Michel congratulations and good luck.  I could feel the exhaustion just below the surface, but the joy of the moment kept me going.  I will have to say, I was thankful as the last stragglers left.  I was also thankful to my mother-in-law for insisting all dishes get washed.  I am positive I wouldn’t have gotten that done without her and dear friend Sandy.

With tons of rain before the graduation, I was very thankful for sunny skies Saturday morning.  I was exhausted, but still moving.  Yah, God!!!  I watched with pride as Michel and all his friends (my other kids) filled across the stage to receive their diplomas.  A ton of pictures were taken afterwards and we made our way home.  Once inside the doors, the exhaustion hit.  I sat down on my chair and didn’t move.  Family came and went, but I stayed and was very thankful.  I rested the entire afternoon and went to bed early for I still had one more function to make it through.

Sunday dawned beautiful.  Michel came in after the all night party at around five.  He was a trooper and woke up in time for Mass.  I needed one last Mass before he left for BASIC training.  We took separate vehicles.  Michel, little sister, and I went to pick Nana up at the hotel.  The other two took the chairs back to the church that we borrowed for the party and we met them there.  Off and on throughout the Mass I would start to get a little teary eyed, but it would retreat. 

During prayer time, I started a prayer for Michel.  “Dear Lord, please place a bubble around Michel during his time at BASIC.  Shield him from the negativity that I went through during my time at BASIC.  Give him good memories….”  I realized I wasn’t doing my amazing son justice with this prayer.  “Never mind shielding him Lord.  Instead stand beside him to give him strength during the tough times he will face.  Help him have patience being surrounded by others with no downtime.  He is strong, but he will need You by his side.”  Keeping him from tough times will not give him the skills he will need for his future.  Besides, he is a strong man that already has the awesome signs of a very good soldier.

After Communion, my husband leaned over and asked who was going to announce Michel leaving.  At the end of church there is a time for announcements and celebrations to be shared.  I told him he needed to.  I don’t think I could have done that.  The announcement took Michel by surprise.  I think he thought he could get out of church with no one knowing.  People thanked and congratulated him for serving in our military.

As I started to leave the sanctuary, I turned to see Jerry with his hands placed on Michel’s head.  Tears streamed down Michel’s face as sobs raked his body.  Clay instantly grabbed me for a hug as he started to silently cry.  Jerry finished praying over our boy with tears in his own eyes.  Madelle and Nana also started crying.  Hugs were given by all of us with Jesus there amongst us. 

Blessings to you all.

My Children's Journey

                I just looked back at my last blog on April 21^st.  The last couple of weeks have marched by fairly slowly.  They have actually felt like months.  A number of times, I have sat down writing a new blog, but each writing seemed dismal.  I have been struggling with a number of things.  When I do this, I get in a crafty mood as well as a bit depressed.  Instead of forcing the writing, which I probably should, I instead have been working on small projects around the house and yard.  I actually made a trellis for my clematis that is not falling apart and the plant is climbing quite nicely.  I am in the middle of painting a cross to go in my vegetable garden.  So, I have been busy and enjoying myself when I am not worried about the writing.

                A couple of weeks a big event did take place that I have been meaning to write about.  My youngest child made her first communion.  Family came from different parts of the state and an uncle drove about ten hours for the big day.  I so love these mentors of my children that travel for their big events.  We enjoyed time in prayer, conversation, and togetherness.  The best part of course happened at church.

                When my daughter learned that her older brother had Eucharistic ministry for her 1^st Communion Mass, she asked if he could do the cup on her side of the church making first communion.  He organized it with the rest of the ministers.  It worked out perfect because one of the fathers was able to do the cup on the other side which his son was receiving on. 

                None of us were prepared for what was to follow.  Madelle went up to Father and received the body.  She confidently stepped in front of Clay.  He spoke, “the blood of Christ.”  “Amen.”  He handed her the cup.  While she took a sip from the cup, he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.  In our little section of the church, all eyes became misty.  My husband, an Iraqi vet, leaned over to me, “he should have warned us about that.”  I still get choked up remembering the scene.

                The best part of my journey to holiness is to watch my children’s journey. 

                Blessings to you all.