Day 77: Accomplishments

What have you been able to accomplish this year that you are really proud of?

Overall Accomplishment

Publishing book 4 of my Living the Tenets series felt great.  I am very proud of this accomplishment.  

Writing

Unfortunately, I was hoping to get book 5 done as well.  At this point, I am at around 90,000 words with about 60,000 to go.  I am struggling with the book due to a little writer’s block and not knowing how to really finish the series.  Once the holidays end, I will hit the ground running with the project.  Well, I hope I do.  The numbers looked both good and bad.  In total, I wrote 351,288.  This is a good solid number.  My fiction though fell short.  I wanted 240,000 and I cam in at 103,000.  This next year, I need to concentrate on the fiction!!!

Education

Some other things I have accomplish come in the area of education.  I took three on-line classes through WMG Publishing: Advanced Depth, Teams, and Sales Writing.  I also made it to Las Vegas to attend the Master Business Class.  That was quite the experience.  I also took a web design class with the hopes of creating a web page for my writing business.  More to come about this in 2019.

Travel

I have traveled around the state quite a bit which I always enjoy.  I took trips to Libby, Columbus, Billings, Great Falls, Bozeman, and Missoula.  I flew to Alaska and West Virginia, two states I have never seen.  As a family, we took a huge trip to Paris and Germany to tour and visit family for Easter.  At the moment, I am only looking at traveling around Montana and a trip to Maui.  Of course, we could do some spontaneous travel.  Who knows what 2019 has in store.

Gardening

I enjoyed what little gardening I attempted.  I didn't come close to hitting any of my goals.  My health and energy didn't help in this area.  My list is long for this next year.  I have a bunch of messes to clean up.  A tree and two bushes to dispose of.  And numerous plants and gardens to plan.  I am already getting excited by the prospect.

Reading

On a whim, I upped my reading, but read about the same number of books.  Each week, my goal was to read five hours which didn't include my bedtime reading.  I enjoyed this challenge immensely.  I had missed escaping to other worlds.  One author I discovered was Edmund Rutherford.  He writes wide sweeping historical fiction.  I absolutely love his work.  I read two books and am in the middle of a third.  Outstanding!  I will continue this challenge into 2019.

Though I didn’t accomplish all the things on my list, I did get quite a few thing done.  This year I have another big list.  Will I accomplish it all?  It is hard to say.  Really, I write the lists with the intention of not getting it all done.  I love the astronomical challenge.  I also like knowing I always have things to do if I get bored.  Of course, I also learned the importance of rest.  I hope to be a little more restful this year.  But, who knows?  We will see what the future holds.

Day 76: Travel Happy

“Travel Happy.”  Doctor Who, 2018 Fall Season

Over the years, I have become a diehard Doctor Who fan.  The last doctor I struggled with because I didn’t care that much for his companions.  I am happy to say that I love the new doctor and her companions. I have heard others don’t like her, my daughter being one of those people.  I happen to think she is bloody brilliant.

While I was watching the last episode earlier this month, I realized that I didn’t have a favorite quote.  Right after I thought the thought, she turns to the people she had helped and said, “Travel happy.” I love it.

Now, really there isn’t much to say about this two-word quote.  Travel happy is a simple thought, but I can’t stop thinking about it.  Why wouldn’t people travel happy? Every time I jump in the vehicle or drive to the airport, I am happy to be on another adventure.  I always travel happy. Doesn’t everyone?

Okay, sure, I get irritated when traveling.  On our trip to Europe this spring, traveling with a child with mental illness wasn't easy.  In fact, at times it was downright horrible.  However, I always was happy to see the new places. I found beauty in the countryside or the culture, so different from our own.  I still traveled happy.

Then I thought of two of my trips to Kalispell, Montana in August of 2016.  I have driven this trip, which usually includes continuing to Libby, hundreds of times.  The first trip, I knew my dad was extremely sick. I wasn’t even sure I would make it to the hospital in time to say my goodbyes.  A definite excuse not to travel happy, but as I drove, I kept his lessons in mind, to always see the beauty in the countryside. I traveled happy, laced with sadness and a little panic.

On the second trip, I knew this would be my last time with Dad.  The doctor had called me home. I had made arrangements with him to do this if Dad’s last procedure didn’t go well.  The doctor’s calm voice over the cell phone strengthened me. I quickly packed and left in my car.

As I drove, I entered a surreal state of being.  I was determined to see all the beauty as I drove north.  On the Helmville road near the end, I saw a deer off to my left.  Her buckskin coat gleamed in the green field with the sun streaming down.  As I turned along the highway that would take me into Big Fork, I saw cranes splashing in the river.  All of this I will remember for life. Even in the depths of sadness, I traveled happy. I knew my dad would want me to always travel this way.  I shared with him what I saw. Even now, I share with him, just not face to face.

Yes, I will always travel happy.

Day 75: Success

Why do you think some people are successful in life and others are not?

Wow, this is a huge question.  I could never answer it. First, I would have to define success.  This is bogus because each person has their individual definition of success.  Really, I can only define whether I am successful. Even then, others could say I am unsuccessful.  I don’t like this question.

Hum, how can I work with this question?  How about how could people think you are unsuccessful and why would you disagree with them?

I could be seen unsuccessful in the vehicles I drive and the type of house I own.  All three of our cars have over 100,000 miles on them. The youngest is six years old.  The oldest is considered a classic. Now we don’t own it due to the classic status. Really, the old truck is just that, old.  Our house is a modular. I have had a number of people make snide comments about this fact. They consider my house substandard.  We also don’t have a any toys. Those big ticket items like campers, RVs, four-wheelers, boats, and the like. So, yes, people out there would say we are unsuccessful. 

I disagree.  All our cars and our house are bought and paid for.  Once a year, I pay all the taxes and insurance on the house.  Every six months, I pay the insurance on the cars. We are debt free.  At some point, we will probably buy a newer vehicle and will have some debt again, but for now, we owe nothing.  As for our future, we don’t have as much invested as we like, but we have more then the average for people our age.  I say we are a financial success.

What makes us successful?  One, we have a clear definition of success for ourselves and don’t let the world define the word for us.  The second part is that we have worked hard for our success. We have never been ones to buy unnecessary toys.  Twelve years ago, we studied Dave Ramsey’s financial rules. We tweaked them for our lifestyle and beliefs. We have applied all of what we learned.  Through our hard work, we have done well.

Of course, we have also been very blessed.  We both had very good jobs with the military and the federal government.  Sure, we took a big hit eight years ago when I was medically retired and lost both my full-time and part-time jobs, but we adjusted fire.  We still succeeded.

Day 74: Reform Your World

“The optimist is a better reformer then the pessimist; and the man who believes life to be excellent is the man who alters it the most.”  G.K. Chesterton, "Charles Dickens," page 4.

Chesterton is talking about the time that Dickens lived in during his life.  I really liked the quote because it rings true in today’s world as well. 

A pessimist is too busy complaining about the world that he/she doesn’t do anything about it.  They have no hope and no creative thinking to begin to make any reform in their life let alone the world.  The pessimist, with his/her bad attitude, also brings down those around them.  These are the people that drain others of their emotions.  They are toxic to be around.

An optimist sees the good in the world, and they hope to help change it for the better.  They are positive to be around and will lift the spirit of others.  They alter the world, even if it is just the world around them.  You know the type.  We gravitate towards optimists.  While talking with them, we feel inspired to be positive too.  They give us hope.

I know I have been pessimistic at times in my life.  However, I work hard to be optimistic.  I look at the good in the world.  I have hope for the future.  I doubt I will ever be a reformer.  I am not that personality type.  However, I try to alter the world around me.  I see the beauty in nature and in my little city, state, and country.  When I travel, I fall in love with all that is around me.  While some may complain about the attitude of the Parisians, I found them delightful. 

And thinking about it further, I do work at reform.  I work to reform my attitude when it gets negative.  Yesterday, I found out my mouth was inflamed due to the new medicine I am taking along with all the others.  I had been in a great amount of pain the past three to four days that became steadily worse.  I tried to reform my attitude through humor and ignoring the pain.  I didn’t succeed yesterday.  The continuous pain just added up to be out of control.  But today, I think I will have the strength to do better.  I have hope.  The doctor gave me a medicated mouthwash that should help.  Here's to hoping!  I also work at reform in my own home.  During the worse of our times with mental illness, I reformed the way I parent.  I changed the world around us.  I faltered in hope, but I never lost it completely.

In the end, we don’t have to be reformers of the big picture.  We do need to be reformers of the world around us.  To do this effectively, we must be positive, optimistic, and see all the good in the world.  Maybe this New Year, we can all approach life in this way.  Can you even imagine how the world would change with all the reform?  It would truly be amazing.

Day 73: A British Christmas

This year, my husband thought up a twist for our Christmas celebration.  The idea stemmed from two geese.  My son's roommate bagged them earlier in the season.  He gave us the two breasts.  With them in the freezer, the idea of a tradition British meal was born.

The holiday season found me lacking.  I only managed three batches of cookies.  The first traveled to Missoula for the grandchildren.  The second batch went to my daughter's classroom.  The third, shortbread for the British theme, ended up half being baked too long.  Also, my family doesn't like shortbread.  So, going into the dessert phase of the dinner, I wanted a guaranteed winner.  I wasn't going to make Figgie pudding.  Besides, I was hungry for some sticky toffee pudding, a dessert I had in York, England.

Our first course was a shrimp cocktail.  Jerry made fresh horseradish sauce that was incorporated into the fresh cocktail sauce.  Delicious.

The main meal consisted of goose, parsnips, potatoes, a bread dip, and Yorkshire pudding.  I was pleasantly surprised by the parsnips.  I enjoyed them and am thinking of adding them to my garden this spring.  The potatoes, of course, were enjoyable.  They were designed to dip in the bread dip.  The dip tasted fine but was lacking in flavor.  My daughter reminded me British food is bland.  If we were to have this again, garlic would be added.  The goose wasn't my favorite.  I am not a dark meat fan.  The others liked it.  The Yorkshire pudding was wonderful.  They are a popover, which I have always enjoyed them.

The sticky toffee pudding for dessert was amazing.  This is a date cake with toffee syrup.  The process is a bit extensive, but completely worth the work.  I learned a lot about the recipe and will do things a little differently when my sister comes to visit, and I make it for her.  Oh, and I whipped up fresh cream with no sugar.  Yum!

The dinner was a great success in being creative and outside the box for us.  I do agree with my daughter that we don't need to do it again.  I will say that the Yorkshire pudding and toffee pudding will be added to different dinners in the future.  Next year, we are thinking of doing a French Christmas dinner.  (I did do a Norwegian dinner about ten years ago.  Again, a bit bland, but fun.)

 Another enjoyable aspect of Christmas Day, Jerry and I watched the movie "The Man Who Invented Christmas."  This went with our British theme because the story is about Charles Dickens writing of "A Christmas Carol."  I delighted in the movie.  I highly recommend it, especially if you have an artist in the house.  Jerry pointed out how much I resemble Dickens in the creative process, as does Madelle with her artwork.

In the evening, we had friends over for game night.  The best part of the day, mind you.  Stories and laughter filled the house.  We are very blessed and look forward to continued blessings with these four additional family members that have come into our lives in the last twenty years.  This Christmas is so different from the year we celebrated without Jerry.  I definitely prefer to be together and never take it for granted.  Here is to more Christmas' to come. 

Merry Christmas.

Day 72: The Library Card

Look around you and choose an object in the room.  Now write something from the point of view of that object.

My purpose died two and a half years ago.  I felt so lost without him this entire time.  I have adjusted. Now I am retired and have a new job.

We grew old together.  I became worn. The barcode barely worked and the signature rubbed off.  Black smudges have made the yellow fade where I was worn while resting in his wallet.  At some point, a section of myself snapped off. I used to entertain him during the winter.  Weekly we traveled to pick up the rectangular objects he loved so much, books.

After he died, I sat on a counter for a while until she spotted me.  With love she picked me up and rubbed her fingers on my smooth surface.  I saw her smile, a sad smile. She missed him too.  I knew she wanted to keep me. I hoped to go with her and see her smile without the sadness.

Now I sit on the stand of her computer monitor.  She looks down at me lovingly as she writes for her blog or her latest fictional creation.  We both miss him, but our memories are those of love and fondness. I give her comfort and, I hope, a little push to keep creating.  I will never help him get a book again, but I hope to help her get one in a different way.

Day 71: Christmas in the Hospital

During this holiday season, I feel the urge to write about Christmas, either the past or the present, but I never feel my words speak the emotions I want to convey.  Yet, as I look over the posts I wrote in advance, they fail to move me this Christmas morn. A Christmas that comes to mind happened fourteen years ago.

In a land faraway, my love celebrated without me and our children.  A conversation took place between us earlier in the deployment with shells going off in the background.  He reassured me they were outgoing rounds, but my fear escalated daily as the elections in Iraq grew nearer. 

Chest pains plagued me beginning in December.  I ignored them. I gathered the kids up and traveled to Libby.  I needed family for the holiday. Christmas Eve, the boys and I attended Christmas Eve Mass.  When we stood, my chest cramped, dizziness overcame me. I realized I had driven my kids knowing something was hurting my body.  I probably needed to see a doctor. As the pain receded, I told myself if it happened again during my time in Libby, I would go to the doctor.  I didn’t want to have a heart attack on the way home, wrecking the pickup and endangering my kids’ lives.

Christmas night, the pains came back around 8:45.  Fear consumed me. I drug my dad out on the porch and told him what was happening.  He called out to Mom that he and I were going on a Christmas drive. She bought it, thank goodness. 

By around 9:15, I entered the Libby hospital.  For the next couple of hours, the doctor and nurses ran quite a few tests on me.  My heart was in perfect health. My diagnosis was panic attacks. I was very relieved, but I was also very embarrassed.  How stupid was that? Panic attacks? Really? He gave me some drug, but I don’t trust doctor’s I don’t know. I waited until I checked in with my doctor back home and he put me on a milder drug that worked wonders.  After the elections with Jerry safe, I went off the meds and was fine the rest of the deployment.

Every Christmas, I think back to that time.  I have to say, that was by far my worst Christmas ever.  However, I learned about myself during that time in my life.  I do have the strength to get through crisis. I learned some of what all wives go through when their husbands are deployed in a war zone.  I am thankful my husband came home to us, and we have celebrated Christmas together every year since.

Merry Christmas to all, but especially to our military and their families.  I am praying for all our soldiers and their families this holiday season. God Bless you all.

Day 70: Odd Things

Describe one odd item that you have in your purse or wallet right now.

I actually looked through my purse and wallet to see what I had that might be considered odd.  I came up with nothing, which makes me want to put something in my purse.  I don’t like being normal.  I will say that there are probably few women in the United States with a retired National Guard id for themselves.  In Montana, I am sure I am not that abnormal, but the rest of the country there are few of us.  I am proud of that item in my wallet.

Day 69: Forgetting

Write about something you frequently forget.

This is going to be hilarious.  I don’t remember what I frequently forget.  My daughter would say everything she says, I forget.  We have a lot of discussions about the stories she imagines for her cartoon and anime projects.  I never remember them well enough for her liking.  I also miss place my phone and my glasses quite often.  With that, I wonder if it is really forgetting.  I never even seem to realize when I put them down, so is memory really a factor?  I guess these three areas of my memory are the most lacking.

Day 68: Tattoo

Do you have a tattoo?  What is it and why did you get it?  If not, would you ever get one? What would the tattoo be, and what would it symbolize to you?

I do not have a tattoo.  In 1990, I called home from San Antonio, Texas while doing my medical training at Fort Sam Houston.  I wanted to get a rose on my ankle. My husband thought this was a terrible idea. I opted to listen to him.

Since then, my sister has been trying to talk me into a sister tattoo.  I am really not all that interested in such a thing. If I ever did get the hankering for a tattoo, I would do something Scandinavian or Yorkish, like the White Rose, for my heritage.  Of course, I also love falcons which would represent taking flight on the journey of life. Though I may never get a tattoo, I do have these things on my heart, as well as my sister.

Day 67: Menopause

Menopause, oh how I have come to hate this word.  My hot flashes began about ten months ago.  They didn't hit all that hard.  In fact, after a couple of months, they left.  I thought, outstanding.  I would take an easy transition in life.  Nope, they hit with a vengeance in the summer.  A friend suggested Estroven.  Great, more pills.  I cringed, but I began taking them.  All was well.

The hot flashes have come back, but they are only bad once a week or so.  Nothing too horrid.  With it being winter, I can always step outside.  The mood swings hit about a month ago.  I started taking Vitamin D and went to a couple therapy sessions.  All is well with this area too.  Four months ago, another symptom hit.

Allergies!  Really?  As if hot flashes and mood swings weren't enough, we have to tack on allergies.  My poor nose hurts.  I so can relate to my husband and son.  How do they put up with this every spring and summer?  This is torture.  Yesterday, I took an allergy pill.  It wiped me out for the entire day.  Are you kidding?

I refuse to go into any more symptoms of menopause.  One website claims there are 34 symptoms.  Ugh.  I know if I make it through this, anything is possible in my life.  Uff da!!!

Day 66: No Snow

You look outside.  Ah, it is snowing! But look closer.  Those are not snowflakes falling from the sky!  What is it snowing at your house?

Powder sugar falls from the heights, onto the dark brow disks of gingerbread cookies.  Red sprinkles fall onto the golden round disks of sugar cookies. The smells of vanilla, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg float throughout the house on the waves of Christmas music playing on the record player.  Family members wander though the kitchen, plucking up a cookie, hoping not to get caught. The baker sees, but pretends she doesn’t. A smile spreads across her face.

Or

Flour falls down onto the cloth wrapper board as I roll out another round of lefse.  The smell of cooking potatoes and flour on the griddle floats throughout the house on waves of Christmas music playing on the record player.  A knife slathers butter on a warm slice of the Norwegian food group with sugar falling from the sky. The flatbread melts in my mouth as I test if the item is fit for human consumption.  Umm, how I love the Christmas season.

Day 65: Travel

What is the best road trip or vacation you have ever taken?  Who was there? Where did you go? What did you see along the way?

Wow, this is a hard question.  I have been very blessed to go on a number of amazing trips.  How do I pick just one? I learned that I love the tropics.  Hawaii was amazing with four lovely ladies.  My love of the Civil War made my trip to Georgia and Tennessee unbelievable, seeing the site of Andersonville Prison and a number of battlefields with my fun husband.  Oh, and I can’t forget seeing three Gone With the Wind museums. I cried when I had to leave Virginia on a solo trip. Tier, Germany will be part of the settling for my next book series with the character Kirzantra.  I long to go back to England. I felt so at home in York and Glastonbury while traveling with my sister and a friend. And the history...phenomenal. I loved our family trips to Mexico, Disney places, Devil's Tower, Laura Ingalls Wilder house, and the Grand Canyon.  I plan to go back to a couple of these places, but I also plan to go see new sites too. All in all, I am in love with traveling.  I can’t wait for my next trip!

Day 64: Lessons

What do you think is the most important thing for today’s kids to learn in school?

Well, technically, I think they need to learn the lessons at home and have them reinforced by the school.  Unfortunately, the parents need to learn the same thing or be re-taught. The lesson...just because we have the freedom of speech doesn’t mean we need to say everything that comes into our minds.  The other day a friend of mine told me her niece's friends told her she had fat legs. Keep that stuff to yourself!!! Now this beautiful young woman won’t wear shorts because she believes she has “fat legs.”  She isn't larger then a size 5 for goodness sakes!

I have been told I give terrible gifts or that a person doesn’t like the gift I have given them.  Now, this comes from two different generations in my life and not the snarky teen that lives in my house.  Seriously people? What happened to the days of simply saying thank you and being thankful someone cared enough to give the gift in the first place.  People need to use their words in kindness, not just any words because they can. Have a little decorum!!!

As Thumper said in the movie Bambi, "if you can't say nothin nice, don't say nothin at all."

Day 63: Wisdom

Wise people are not easily offended.

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

PROVERBS 19:11 NIV

The above words come from my desk calendar from December 14.  I left the page turned to this page the last couple of days.  One reason is because I had a very busy weekend, but I also wanted to write about the thoughts expressed.

I have longed to be wise.  I work at being wise.  One of Jerry's aunts did a test with us.  Our oldest son was around a year old, so that was a million years ago.  She concluded we have old souls, wise souls.  Some times, I agree.  Most of the time I doubt.

I would love to say that I am never offended.  Really, what is the point of being offended?  The offense only hurts myself.  The person doing the offending are oblivious to how their actions or words are being interpreted.  They are in a bad mood or speak before thinking. People come from different backgrounds and places in life.  Most of the time, I believe people really don't mean to be offensive. 

Now, there are people who want to push my buttons.  They want to make me offended.  They want to lash out.  Of course there are thousands of reasons why they would want to be offensive; however, I believe the main driving force is that the person is miserable.  The nice side of me tries to be patient with the person and not take offense.  The redneck soldier in me doesn't want to give them the satisfaction from offending me.  I mean really, why would I want them to be rewarded for their behavior?

I am not offended very often.  When I am, I find that the reason is that the offense takes me by surprise, and my instinct is to be offended.  After the initial shock, I remember or know the person is hurting.  I get over the offense fairly quickly.  Other times, the offense cuts to the bone; it is personal.  The words or actions come from those I love.  They want someone to be as miserable as they are at the moment.  I could come up with a passel of examples, but I won't dredge up the past this morning.  Maybe another day. 

My wisdom is lacking at times when people try to offend me.  The first year of Madelle's complicated depression was a rough year because I was offended often.  When she has an episode now, I rarely become offended.  She is in a bad place.  She lashes out at me because she knows I will still love her.  I won't leave her side.  When the episode is over, she always apologizes.  An apology goes a lone way.

My desk calendar stopped and made me think of wisdom and offenses.  I didn't touch on the patience aspect of either, but having patience helps tremendously.  I know in the future I will be lacking strength of character and will be offended.  Hopefully, I will stop and think before I react.  Because at the end of the day, I would rather be happy then upset.

Day 62: An Alarm

Complete this thought:  “I wish an alarm would notify me whenever…”

My first thought was that I wish an alarm would notify my that Madelle is emotional.  At second thought, I realized that she is getting pretty good at letting me know. Sure, there are times that we both miss her emotions, but not nearly as much as a year or two ago.  A better way to put it. I think I would like an alarm for when I am miss communicating with her before we erupt at each other.

Day 61: Price Isn't a Factor

Write about something you would still buy if it cost twice as much as it costs today.

Actually, the item that comes to mind, I never bought in the first place.  Almost thirty years ago, my grandparents gave me all the items I needed to make lefse for my wedding gift: grill, board, cloth, and stick.  I don’t care what the price would be if I had to replace any of the items. I will never go without the ability to make the best flatbread in the world.

Day 60: Recovery

What are you recovering from right now?

I hope I am recovering from a year long flare-up of my rheumatoid arthritis and bouts with the fibromyalgia.  I have been on my new medicine for three weeks.  I am not sure how long it will take to completely get in my system, but I hope it is soon.  I would like to start being able to exercise more. We will see.

Update: I have been going to the gym.  I don't feel the pain as much any more.  Yay!!!  Now I just need to figure out how to get my energy back.

Day 59: Stress Triggers

What is the biggest trigger for stress in your life?

The conflict that arises from my family members who suffer from mental illness.  Three weeks ago, my daughter and I had a huge blow up. Ugly. We have maneuvered past the crisis.  Last week a new problem blew up in her face.  The stress compounded.  More often then not, I wait for the next proverbial shoe to drop from one of multiple feet.  I keep praying.  And I have gone back to my own therapist to help me through these difficult days.  I am tired.  The stress has built over the past two years and I need help letting go, surrendering.

I should add that last night Madelle had a meltdown.  After an hour of talking and reassuring, she went to bed feeling better.  We maneuvered much better this go around.  I am exhausted today.  I have decided to take three hours off this morning after I take her to school.