Work

          First, I wanted to chat a little bit about my last post with Saint Joan of Arc’s quote before going on to the next quote.  I have felt like a fraud.  I have not felt brave at all this week.  I have worried about the new house payments.  They are steeper than I would like facing retirement.  On the other hand, I fear staying in our current house.  My dreams have ended here.  I need to dream.  All of my dreams on the new property.  Of course, then I worry that I won’t be able to work my dreams.  Ugh, I need to get out of my head.  So, yes, I can be brave, but I can also be scared.  Today, I went and spent time praying at the chapel on campus.  I felt much better.  God will work it out.  I will work my dream.  I will trust him even when I have a bad day or week.  But onto this week's quote about work.

He who labors as he prays lifts his heart to God

with his hands.

                                                                    Saint Benedict

Last year, I studied Saint Benedict and his book that he wrote, “The Rule.”  The book is written for those in a Benedictine monastery, so some of the chapters didn’t completely relate to the life of the laity.  Other chapters were amazing.  What I love about the overarching theme was praying while working.

I am not good at this.  I want to be, but I usually forget to pray until halfway through a task.  Hum, if at all.  In fact, just thirty minutes ago, I washed a bunch of dishes.  I didn’t pray.  I worked in the garage earlier.  I didn’t pray.  I get very frustrated with myself.  A lot of the jobs I do around the house are perfect times to pray.  Instead, I am in a hurry and forget.  I need to listen to music, but my daytime housemate grumbles.  

When I am in my quilt room, I am better at praying.  Many times, I turn on my Christian music or some traditional chant.  This puts me in the right mindset for prayer.  If my mind wanders, the lyrics bring me back to my prayer.  Of course, many times, the music is the prayer.  Yet, the prayer doesn’t always come naturally.

The garden is my natural environment for prayer.  Okay, church is the main place, but the garden is the next best place.  Outside always brings me closer to God.  I actually feel like the two of us work together in the garden.  I plant, water, weed, and mulch while He gives the plants a little nudge to grow.  He adds color to the leaves and pedals.  At times, He calls for a ladybug to join us or a curious bird.  I am always thankful in the warm sun with the blue sky above me.  Oh, and nothing is better than sipping a cup of coffee in the crisp morning air as we contemplate what area of the garden we are going to work on until the heat forces me inside.  Yep, I love gardening season when I feel Him most.

Until spring, I will continue to try to pray while doing the dishes, laundry, making the bed, sweeping, moping, and all those domestic chores.  Oh, I need to also pray while I pack up the house.  There are so many opportunities to pray.  The ultimate goal is to pray without ceasing.

Blessings.

Poor Richard's Farm - Beginnings

     Wow, what a week!  Most of you know that a few years back, Jerry started a catering business called Poor Richard’s BBQ.  He had a few catering events; plus, he did quite a few barbecue competitions.  In fact, last summer, while he was in between deployments, he participated in two competitions.  Part of our reason for buying property is to have space for his business.

Now, as always, the family has big dreams for the land, huge vegetable and herb gardens, fruit orchard, fruit bushes, meat and egg chickens, goats, pigs, and miniature cows.  We want to sell the farm fresh food along with my quilting items and who knows what el
se.  We are going to marry the farm adventure with Jerry’s adventure.  Hence, we are naming our place Poor Richard’s Farm.  So exciting!

The beginning of the adventure started with a dream of wanting to be more self-sustaining.  For two years, I have been watching the real estate market.  We talked about it off and on with excitement.  I had thought we would buy land for a house for Clay, but then this little piece of heaven popped up.  We put in an offer.  The buyers counted.  We accepted.  All in a week!  

Last week, our house went on the market after seven mad days of getting the house ready.  I felt like I was doing my mom’s house all over again.  I even wondered if I was a bit of a hoarder.  It is amazing how much stuff is collected in 22.5 years and 3 kids!!!  The house on the inside looks amazing.  Well, since the house listed, we have had 15 showings.  Two of the showings were people coming a second time.  I am over the moon with how it all has been going.

I am so antsy to get the farm started.  I want to run to Murdock’s to buy a chicken feeder and waterer.  I have refrained because I don’t want more stuff to store at this place and move to the new place.  Ugh!!!  Yesterday, I couldn’t resist beginning a new project.  I went to Hobby Lobby and bought materials to work on some potholders.  One, we need some new potholders.  Two, I can put some up on Etsy to begin trying to sell products.

A friend of Clay’s advised that we take things slowly and to not bite off more than we can handle.  This is exactly how we are planning the adventure.  I am on a ten-year plan.  Jerry is on a five-year plan.  So typical for both of us.  We have agreed on our one-year plan.  Once everything is sold and bought, we work on laying hens, gardens, trees, and catering.  We will begin to sell some quilting items and any products above what we can use if we have any.  Clay will start his chicken tractor if we are ready later in the year.  Madelle will find a puppy.  We will also begin to do the research on a house for Clay.  That is it.  That is plenty!!!

Currently, we continue to show the house.  With the nice weather, I will clean the yard.  Leo bombs need to be disposed of in the dumpster.  My garden pieces of art and clutter need to be rounded up.  I know there is stuff under the snow, but some of it is peaking out.  I need to continue to clean up the garage and move the items in the shed into the garage.  In the mornings, I will work on potholders.  In fact, I think I will do that now.

Blessings to you all!

Courage

 

“Go forward bravely.  Fear nothing.  Trust in

God; all will be well.

                                             Saint Joan of Arc

“Go forward bravely.”  I have gone forward many times in my life.  I will admit that I haven’t always done the movement bravely.  When I was a little girl, I feared so much.  I was very timid.  I am sure it drove my dad nuts.  Always wanting to please him, I would stifle my tears and work at going forward.  Luckily, I spent half my summers with my older cousins and my aunt for four years.  They worked at making me tougher by pushing me and demonstrating moxie.  A different aunt also helped me become my own person.

Signing up for the military was tough.  I had to leave my new husband to attend BASIC training and my individual training, a little over four months of separation.  The statistics were against us.  Most couples divorce due to the stress, separation, and changes in the couple.  I put my trust in God and Jerry.  I put my trust in our belief of marriage.  I did worry from time to time, but all ended well.

While raising the kids, my biggest fear was them being on a boat without me.  My dad loved taking them fishing.  I cringed every time.  This was such a stupid fear.  Dad took me fishing all my life.  Not once did we get in a bad situation.  I trusted him with my life.  Yet, I always worried when he took the kids out.  I prayed.  I trusted God to take care of all of them.  I still worry.  Since we bought kayaks, they have gone out with friends.  I pray and pray.  I distract myself so I don’t worry.  All has gone well.

The past couple of years, I have feared death approaching in all sorts of directions.  I really feared Jerry, or I would die before he came back from deployment, and we would never see each other again.  Silly, I know.  I would pray and ask God to take the fear away.  He did until I started thinking too much.  I don’t so much fear the death part.  I know heaven is at the end of the journey.  My fear is separation from those I love.  We have lost so many in the last few years.  I miss them so much.  Frankly, I need a break from loss.

I try to move bravely forward after I pray, giving the situation to God.  Okay, maybe I move crazily forward.  My goal for retirement was to have my house paid off with no debt.  Last year, we bought a camper for Jerry.  The debt is minimal, and I have it ¾ of the way paid off.  With the camper, we needed a truck to pull it.  I don’t completely count this debt because vehicles are a must.  But now, I have convinced all of us that buying property and moving is a great idea.  We are going to have a mortgage again.  Uff da.  Is that bravery or stupidity?

Part of me worries a bit.  Will we sell our house at the right price?  Will we be able to pay the new place off soon?  I have a plan, but will life blow up my plan?  For the most part though, I am not afraid.  When I was forced to take a medical retirement early, I was concerned about my plan to pay off the house.  My plan was fifteen years, it took seventeen instead.  All ended well.

I have prayed about buying property for two years.  Everything could fall through tomorrow, and we don’t get the new place.  We may get the new place and not be able to sell our current place.  I have no idea how this is going to work out.  God knows.  He is in charge.  I trust him.  When I have doubts and concerns, I pray.  Then I step “bravely” forward.

Revamp

 

A picture from our yard last summer.

I love the beginning of the new year.  I also love January.  This month I get to work on all my new plans for the year.  Sure, the weather is cold.  Yep, I don’t go outside as much as l like.  The winter nights are long, but I have a list of items to work on.  Yep, I love the beginning of a new year.

As if new plans weren’t enough, I also pick a word to meditate on for the year.  All last year, I worked on purpose, my purpose.  I felt lost and adrift.  What did I want to do when I grew up?  I read a midlife crisis type book.  I prayed.  I went on a silent retreat.  As the year closed, I thought my word for 2023 would be purpose.  Well, a friend told me about a word generator on a website.  For fun, I pushed the button.  I received the word Revamp.  Perfect.  I love when that happens.  So, all last month, I worked my five purpose statements that are intended to “revamp” my life.

Now that February has arrived, I am laughing at my list.  Well, I am laughing at the last item on my list.  Hum, maybe I should explain.  I have five purpose (mission) statements.  I won’t bore you with the wordiness of them.  Here is the shortened version.  The first is about growing my faith, becoming a better person, and sharing my faith with those who are interested.  Next, I want to be work on being a better wife, mother, and friend.  During the last year with Jerry in Kuwait, I buried myself in the quilt room.  I was just too depressed and grumpy to release myself onto polite society.  Now, I need to become available again to those I love.  My health is and always will be precarious with the autoimmune diseases I have, let alone the nasal issues.  However, I need to exercise more and hopefully lose a little weight.  

I of course also have a purpose statement for my hobbies.  I knew with Jerry home the number of quilts would go from twenty a year to more like ten.  This is actually why I am laughing at my list.  I haven’t worked on a quilt for about two weeks.  I barely finished a quilt for a dear friend.  Thank goodness I don’t have any quilts I am making for gifts because, well, I don’t see any getting done in the near future.  My new goal is maybe five completed by the end of 2023.  This is because of my final purpose statement, work.  Yep, work is going to waylay all my plans for the year, and I am so blasted excited.  I am so revamping not only my life but my entire families.  Opps.

For the last two weeks, Jerry and I have been working at buying a new house and a huge shop that are sitting on eleven acres of land.  Yep, we are going for the new dream of being multiple acre landowners.  We have been working finances for a loan.  Our current house is going on the market tomorrow.  Madelle and I have been decluttering and packing like crazy while Jerry and Clay have been moving boxes to a new storage unit that is helping the process.  We have had numerous meetings with our real estate agent.  Signing tons of paperwork, the whole nine yards or should I say eleven acres?

Where in the world did this come from?  As a kid, I hated living in town.  I wanted to live in the country so I could ride my horse every day.  I wanted to have animals to take care of and places to explore.  Years ago, Jerry offered to buy me land.  I loved him so much for the sentiment.  However, we were too busy.  We both worked full time, were raising kids that were busy in tons of activities, and we lost two weekends a month due to our parttime military career.  We were a town couple, a town family.

The deployments, state of the country, and loss changed all of us.  For the last couple of years, we have discussed owning land as a family.  The kids love the idea of being neighbors and the someday cousins being able to play together all the time.  All of us love the idea of fresh eggs, fruits, vegetables, and meat.  Madelle wants to raise beagles, and Jerry needs a place for his catering.  I would love a bigger garden that isn’t so crowded that I have to
step over plants.  And fresh meat, well, that is just an amazing opportunity.  Clay is all set to help with fencing and animal tasks.  He is in charge of a chicken tractor.  Oh, the things I have been learning already!

    Stay tuned for the progress on Poor Richard's Farm.

Persistent

The Greater and more persistent your confidence in God,

the more abundantly you will receive all that you ask.

                                                                St. Albert the Great

Wow, what a quote!  I love it, but I am not sure where to begin.  In the last ten minutes, I have read it about ten times.  The first part is easy.  I believe in God completely.  My confidence in His running my life is huge.  I know that He loves me.  He delights in me.  We have a great relationship.  Yes, I am like a toddler at times.  I throw a fit or two.  But I am completely honest with Him.  I am confident in His love for me.

The second part gets a little tricky.  The quote at first leads me to believe that God gives me everything I want.  However, I rarely ask for anything outright.  I have always wanted to live in a place that is foreign to me.  Years ago, I told Jerry that I would love for him to do a tour in Washington D.C.  Hasn’t happened.  We had the chance to move to Indiana.  I was excited.  God showed us staying in Helena was better.  Now, I didn’t ask for the moves to happen.  I just told God that it would be really cool and let him take the reins.  We have stayed in Montana.  I believe that will be true until the day I die.  I am good with staying now that the kids are planning to stay in the Big Sky State.

I have asked for God to intervene in my children’s lives.  I prayed and prayed for Michel to come back home.  I prayed his wife away.  Yes, that doesn’t sound very Christian, but she abused him.  I sobbed to God to fix the situation my way.  I didn’t get what I asked for.  Michel never came back to Helena or the family.  Here is the thing, my ask was not Michel’s ask.  God had to weigh my wants and needs to Michel’s wants and needs.  During the entire six years of hell, I trusted God to take care of Michel.  

Where does that leave my asking of God to bring Michel home?  Michel’s wife would have made his life a living hell if he tried to divorce her.  She would have lied, manipulated, and drug Michel through every imaginable scenario to make him utterly miserable.  She did it to her prior husband.  I would love to say I know my son the best.  I don’t.  God does.  God didn’t pull the trigger that caused a bullet to take Michel’s life.  Only God knows who pulled the trigger.  What I know is that God loves my son.  Michel is safe from her now.  And frankly, me and the rest of the family are also safe from her.  Did I get what I asked for from God?  No, Michel is gone.  But yes, we are all safe.  I am thankful for God’s goodness.

Of course, the first time I read the quote, I thought “of course, God has given me everything I want and need.”  This is always my first thought.  I am so very blessed!  Sure, the last years have been a struggle in a few areas.  But every moment of the day, I feel God’s love.  I always have ten things to be thankful for when I close my eyes at night and say goodnight to my heavenly father.  Love and thankfulness are truly my asks.  He provides abundantly.

Blessings!

Friendship

God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle.  In the 

company of friends, we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.

                                                                                         

St. Maximilian Kolbe

When I read this quote, I knew I had to write about my friends.  Over the years, I have struggled with friendship during different seasons of my life.  We probably all have.  But, during other times, I have been so very blessed.  I could list off many people who have been amazing friends.  Since, my younger days a lot of them have drifted away.  Some I am excited when I see friends from the past (well, in other parts of the world other than where I live; we are still friends) on Facebook.  In fact, that is the reason I keep Facebook.  I would miss them.  Others still reach out with a text, call, or even a visit.  In fact, on Michel’s birthday and/or death day, my college friend reached out to make sure I was doing well.  One of my dear friends from church also reached out.  Knowing they remembered meant so much to me.

Now, I could give a ton of examples of how my friends have helped during my struggles.  Just last week, one of them brought me and Madelle flowers when she heard we were sick.  A bunch of friends have been checking in since I lost hearing last Monday.  These people are amazing!

The second part of the quote really makes me stop and think.  “In the company of friends, we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.”  I looked in the dictionary to try to understand sublime better.  “Of outstanding spiritual, intellectual, or moral worth.  Tending to inspire awe usually because of elevated quality (as of beauty, nobility, or grandeur) or transcendent excellence.”  What does St. Max mean by “sublime ideal?”  Simply put, it means becoming a saint, getting each other to heaven.

Wow, that is a tall order.  Even here, I have a bunch of friends who do just that!  I have to say though, helping a person get to heaven needs to be more than just smiling and saying hi when you see your friends at church.  It is more than doing fun activities like barbecues or kayaking.  Yes, you do need to do fun things; there is just more to do.  Even more then praying for each other.  We need to pray together.  We need to learn together.  We need to help each other with our spiritual life.  How?  Yep, I have examples.

When I retired from work in 2010, I was so blessed to finally have time for and find a women’s Bible Study group.  This group was a true gift from God.  We learned so much and prayed many prayers together.  As time does, we drifted away, but God gave me two other groups.  I am still with one of them.  Every Wednesday, we meet at one of our houses and discuss our current book of study and pray.  We challenge each other with different ways of seeing and understanding our faith.  I treasure these evenings.  Two years ago, I was blessed to be invited to a mother’s Rosary group.  These friends challenge and teach me.  I love it!!!  Since I joined, I go to daily Mass.  I am still not good at my consistency, but I go.  I have also been going to Eucharistic Adoration.  I am even on the schedule for every Thursday morning.  The first Saturday of the month, a huge group of families drive out to a friend’s ranch.  The evening begins with a prayer service.  Afterwards, we enjoy fellowship over a potluck dinner.  Amazing!!!  And I am sure there are tons of other examples of ways we can help our friends to heaven.

I am a firm believer in self analyzing, discerning my behavior.  How good of a friend am I?  If you were to ask my friends, because they are wonderful, they would probably say I am a good friend, maybe even great.  But they are a lot like my mom saying I am beautiful.  It counts, but I am sure there are areas to work on.  I know many of the areas I could work on.  

One is that I talk too much at times and end up thinking afterwards that, “Geez, Lisa, the world doesn’t revolve around you!!!”  Drives me nuts, but my mouth just won’t stop running away with me.  If I were to bring it up to some of my friends, I am sure they would agree.  Of course, a lot of times they are very gracious and forgiving.  I do work on trying to listen more often and ask questions.  Then I find myself telling my story.  Gurr.  Will I ever learn.  God, please help me.

The other main flaw I have is communication.  In fact, this is an area that I want to work on this year.  My main issue is that of reaching out.  I am not sure when it began.  Probably in the college years, but it happened over and over.  I find a friend who I want to spend time with.  I invite them to this and that.  The months go by and they don’t invite back or call back.  Whether it is because they don’t like me, they are introverts, or they are just busy, I have let this close myself off to reaching out.  Yes, I know all the ramifications for this behavior.  In the end, it is just wrong.

About eight years ago, God placed in my life the most obnoxious neighbor.  I say this with all love and sincerity.  She knows what I mean.  I had known her before this, but a beagle and a dachshund started our true friendship.  We started walking our dogs every day during the work week.  Now this lady calls, stops by, comes up with adventures, well, you name it, she epitomizes the St Max’s quote!!!  She has helped me to call more.  Well, call her, invite her….  I want to be like her when I grow up.

I have to also include two other friends.  They are also good at reaching out and inviting.  One of them I will be going to a concert with on Thursday.  I hope the meds get me hearing again before then, but I will still go if she is game.  It is the togetherness that is important.  The other friend…well, she is the one who I go to lunch with after Mass.  She also has me going to baseball games and well, the list is just too long.  Yep, I have some great friends to relearn from.

So, this year, one of my goals is to reach out more.  Even being sick most of this month, I have been able to go to coffee with an amazing lady.  Yep, we prayed at the coffee shop and had a great conversation.  I cheated once.  I went to Mass for the purpose to see another friend.  I know Jesus understands.  I didn’t have her number, and I just had to check in with her.  I now have her number because she took mine.  I am a work in progress.

With my hearing mostly gone, I won’t be getting together much.  However, I can check in with my friends via text or email.  In fact, I need to go do just that.  So, go out, be a St. Max kind of friend.

Wow, I talked a lot again.  (Shaking my head.)  Blessing!

Moodiness

 

My mood has been precarious.  First, I am excited and dreaming about the upcoming gardening season.  Then, I am determined to be a good housewife and run around getting chores done.  Finally, I turn so grumpy, and woe is me.  So, what is the issue?  Could it be menopause?  I just realized that I haven’t had a hot flash in a long time.  I also haven’t been taking Estroven for a long time.  I can’t say it is that.  I can say that not being able to hear is driving me nuts.  (I have a double ear infection.)  I should put that a different way.  I can hear ringing and a low hum that fills my head.  The droning on is driving me nuts.

I can’t talk to people unless they talk loudly.  My poor daughter is so annoyed with me.  Like I told my husband, she could never work with the old, hearing impaired.  Yesterday, I had my son sit with me while I called the doctor to see what else I could do besides the meds.  The first call went well when I told the receptionist that I couldn’t hear well.  She spoke up.  The return call would have been a nightmare without Clay.  This new woman didn’t speak up when I told her I couldn’t hear.  He listened to her go on and on until she had a question.  If he knew the answer, he gave it, but if he didn’t, he repeated it so I could answer.  Ugh.  Today, I stopped in the drugstore quickly to get Afrin since the grocery store didn’t have it.  I had Jerry stay in the truck.  It was an in and out thing.  No problem.  Wrong!  The cashier started chatting.  I told her I couldn’t hear very well and didn’t know what she said.  Took her by surprise.  She probably thought I was contagious.  Nope.  I haven’t been contagious for two days.  In fact, I feel really good.  I just can’t hear a bloody thing!

I didn’t leave the house for three days.  Granted, two of those days, I felt crummy.  I also felt so very sad.  I was supposed to do music for a four day retreat this weekend.  I do this retreat every year, but I have never been a part of the music.  I was sooooo excited.  Yesterday, I thought of ways I might be able to help.  How do you help when you can’t hear?  Sure, I could have maybe helped in a “quiet” way, but I am still coughing.  I really don’t want to make people uncomfortable with that.  So, I have prayed for everyone working and attending the retreat.  

I have to say, I am going a little batty not being able to hear music, people, and reading dialog on the television.  Gurr!!!  So, what is a good Christian to do when she is woe is me?  You see, the woe is me attitude leads down the rabbit hole of  why did God let me have all these health issues.  I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis.  Frankly, I think I handle these two problems quite well.  Just two things are simple.  I have been battling nasal issues for three years.  My smell is hit and miss, mainly miss.  I am constantly calling or seeing a doctor to get more antibiotics.  (This whole mess is due to me being stupid and staying with an incompetent doctor.)  In fact, I am facing a third surgery this spring, different doctor in a different town!  Now, He (God) had to add my ears?  If my mood continues on this line, I list off all the terrible things that have happened in the last…, well, let's just say a long time.

Yep, I do the obvious.  I pray.  I read about faith.  So many times, God chats with me through my study with a verse from the Bible that strikes a chord, or words of wisdom from a saint or contemporary writer.  I always feel blessed when God helps me in this way.  Sometimes, I grumble at God.  I know, not nice.  So, I will kick myself on the backside and get up to do some chores, thanking God that I can walk.  Doing chores also helps.  There is nothing like accomplishing a task when you feel terrible, both physically and mentally.  When I hadn’t found the right meds for the RA, I would be so joyful when I only made the bed during a bad day.

Many times, I listen to music to cheer me up.  Music can lift my spirits so quickly.  But that is out of the question at the moment.  For some reason, quilting isn’t helping.  I think I am rather burnt out from the last couple of years.  Gardening also does wonders for my mood.  Hum, the snow is kind of messing with this coping devise.  Ha, ha.  I am doing the next best thing.

Two of my neighbors have chickens.  I also have friends outside of the neighborhood who raise them for fresh eggs.  We have been playing around with the idea of adding that to our life.  Well, yesterday, I went out on my kindle and found a book about raising chickens.  As I pursued the selection, these books about homesteading kept popping up.  Hum, I will talk more about this topic later.  I have decided, after checking out chicken coops at our local farming store, that we are definitely getting baby chicks this spring.  I am so excited.  Definitely helping with my moodiness.  I wonder who the patron saint of chickens might be.  Probably Saint Francis of Assisi.

Have a blessed day.  And if you would like, I would take prays passed my way for my ears!!!