I am writing this post with my cellphone sitting in a cabin in the woods. Since my son died, I only have felt like writing when I am quilting or gardening. Once I leave the task, I loose my words. Today the words remain.
I gave changed. I will never be the same person I was before that terrible night November 27, 2020. Quite frankly, I don't know who I am or will become. To find myself, I have retreated into my faith, quilting, and gardening. I have kept the world at bay. I do simple social outings with positive friends and family. I have tried to avoid news of any sort. I would love to hide completely in a cabin in the woods, but I know that isn't completely healthy.
I want to write my story eventually. This fall I might begin or next week? Who knows? Time. Time and healing in a quiet life is my goal. Of course, I feel the world coming closer as I become stronger.
I love adventures. Last year tested that love. I feel the entire year was an adventure in the worst of humankind, including the suicide of my mother and the murder of my son. Yes, I said murder. Nothing was proven, but my mother's heart knows. This "adventure " I pray never happens again.
The adventure of healing took many turns and still does. I am adding the adventure of finding the new me, and I am enjoying the ride. I have reaffirmed my relationship with God. I have witnesses my strength. I have clawed my way in courage to stay connected to people in my community when in the darkest moments I didn't want to leave my bedroom. I am still a soldier, warrior, valkyrie.
Unless I have a major shift in myself, this summer I have dedicated to nature and fun. I am spending as much time outside as possible either gardening, painting, hiking, or kayaking. Of course, fire season may make it difficult, but time will tell. Basically, I will fill my days with faith, hope, and love.
I won't be giving up my writing. I just don't know where I am going with this love of mine. Again, time and healing will reveal the outcome with God pointing the way.
Blessings.
