My interest in
all things British began when my sister decided she wanted to travel to England
for her 40th birthday. I am going to tag
along. We won't be going for another year,
but in looking at travel guides, I remembered the years of study to get my degree. I took a full year of British literature and
a full year of British history. I
thought I would delve back into my studies.
Of course, watching movies is a part of that. Well, a few weeks ago, I watched the movie The
Iron Lady about Margaret Thatcher.
Margaret spoke words that have really followed me in everything I do.
“Do you know, one of the greatest problems of our age is that we
are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts
and ideas? Now, thoughts and ideas, that interests me.”
Since seeing the
movie, I realize my whole life is about feelings. Living with an emotionally ill teenage
daughter, I am bombed with feelings much like England during World War II. I am in a war zone. Today I sat at my desk, the first time in
about a week and a half. As I wrote my
morning pages, I realized all I write about is my feelings. They are not pretty. In fact, I have felt myself being depressed
this month. I keep trying to claw myself
out of the huge crater I am in, but I have been unsuccessful.
Now, we have
been living this way for a year. We have
conquered many battles and lived through even more bombings. Right now, the bombs are being hurled in the
area of education. Madelle isn't turning
in homework. Grades are horrendous. At first, I took this as a failure of mine
that I had to fix. Yep, a bomb went off
in my face. I had an emotional
breakdown. Madelle's anxiety and panic
attacks have increased due to the pressure of me and the school. I am at a loss of what to do.
The school keeps
pushing. They want to know what Madelle
can be expected to do in the classroom. I
have no thoughts and ideas. All I do is
feel. I feel like I have failed raising
my daughter. I feel bad for her. But, I have worked at pushing the feelings
away by researching and talking through the feelings. With help, I suggested some ideas of what can
be done. The school keeps pushing for
more thoughts and ideas. Yet, I hear no
thoughts or ideas from them. They are
the professionals who work with kids all day long. I don't have lesson plans at my
fingertips. I would love to say just
give her this part of the project to do, but I don't know the project.
I could write
about this for a very long time by including my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and
experiences. I will leave with a couple
of points.
*I am caught
between the professional educators asking for ways to work with my child and
the professional mental health care providers not knowing what the educators
are asking for her to succeed. (Hello, I
am the parent who is exhausted and feeling like a failure.)
*Parents need
someone in their corner to make the two sides talk and come up with a way for
success. (I am looking into advocates. I will write about this later.)
* Most parents
have no education in either field for goodness sakes. How are they getting through this type of
mess?
*Parents have a
ton of other responsibilities. We pay
taxes to pay teachers. We pay insurance
to pay for therapy, medicines, and psychologists. Where is our money going when we are asked
what this kid is capable of? I can't
even get her to church or a full week of school. I don't think I am qualified to know what she
can do in a classroom.
*All I really
want to do is find a bomb shelter and hide until the war is over.
